


On Seven Planets

by mos



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Saving Each Other, Some Humor, Some angst, briefly concussed kylo, dark side origins Rey, lots of character devlopment, no force bond, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:12:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 44,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5973724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mos/pseuds/mos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On opposite sides of a war and a galaxy, Rey and Kylo Ren find themselves in the same places over and over again, each wanting something from the other that neither is able to give: Rey wants to know what Kylo knows about her past and Kylo wants Rey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Yavin IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ship started out as a brotp with me and now here we are. I really love both characters and find myself fascinated by the symbolism and dynamic between them. This will be a multi chapter fic (currently at 23,000 words and counting -end is already written!) with smut later on. No force bond because I wanted to see what I could do without it.
> 
> Y'all can find me at thejediskywalker on Tumblr.
> 
> Without further ado... enjoy!

_The place was too beautiful for such cruelty._

_Unlike the previous worlds they'd met on, this one was a place of palm trees and air so thick with humidity that it was stifling. The azure water lapped at the shore, quiet as it caressed the sand and persisted against the rocks. It should have been a place of peace, the trees sighing as the breeze tickled through their fronds, as much of a relief to them as it was to sweaty skin._

_Rey paid no attention to such things, so focused was she on the man on his knees before her._

_He was looking up at her, pity in his eyes, and she was not afraid of him._

_Herself, though... she was more terrified of herself than she'd ever been of him._

Rey opened her eyes, sucking in several breaths of air to calm herself. The vision faded, but the feelings within it lingered as her hands moved over the X-wing's controls, preparing to come out of hyperspace. This was the second time it had come to her, but it was no less disturbing. Like the last time, it had been quick, a snippet of a larger moment that was out of her reach. She couldn't even begin to make sense of it. And why him? Why Kylo Ren, on his knees before her, eyes pleading with her?

"I see it, Artoo," she said, in reply to the little droid in the back of Master Luke's X-wing, informing her that they were coming up on the old temple. She shoved Kylo Ren to the back of her thoughts, as she had a hundred times before. Maybe he would stay there this time.

The clouds parted, and she thought she'd been prepared for the sight of the overgrown, burned place of tragedy, but the sight made her sad, not only for what Luke had lost, but others as well. The padawans were still there, children and young adults alike, left in the stone refuge that had become their funeral pyre. Rey landed and spent a long time looking at the place, trying to recall something. Anything.

_You very briefly visited the temple. It was a long time ago._

She had no memory of this place. Not Luke's face. Not Ben Solo's. Not even the temple. But then she remembered very little about her early years now, the memories having slipped away over the years like sand between her fingers.

"Stay here, Artoo," she said, when she finally climbed from the ship.

She approached slowly, cautiously. At some point in her training she would have to face the dark side and turn away from it. She both accepted this and feared it, wanted it and hated it. A visit to the place where darkness had swallowed Ben Solo would be her first real taste of it, and as much as her curiosity made her look forward to it, her fear also made her recoil.

The temple was full of ash and bones, a tomb now, with whispers coming from the walls. The padawans lay where they'd died, bones now, brittle and broken. What should have been a place of night terrors and evil, though, still had peace emanating through it, like wildflowers growing over a graveyard. The place had a greater power that went beyond what had happened there.

She walked through the halls, waiting for a room to speak to her. In a way they all did, and none did at all. There were echoes of screams, of crying, of terror, and other times this would cut out to a bitter loneliness, a frustration and longing that ran deep into her bones.

Sometimes there were footsteps, the sound of a lightsaber, a droning voice lulling its listener to peace and calm. Rey strained to hear the words, but they were impossible to make out.

She turned a corner into another room, drawn to the fireplace on the far wall, where a metallic ball sat in the ashes. Crouching down, she picked it up, and when she stood and turned, the room was full of warmth, the fire now burning hot. A younger version of Master Luke was sitting at a table in the corner with a dark-haired boy, and there was something familiar about him.

" _You don't know anything about me," the boy argued, fiddling with something in his hand, irritation plain in his voice. "You're always telling me who I am."_

_"That's the dark side talking," Luke argued back. "You're too close to it."_

_"But what if you could use both sides?" A whine had crept into the boy's voice, annoyance clear. "What if one could have peace and serenity but use the dark side as well?"_

_"No," Luke cut in patiently._

_"You won't even entertain the possibility. Your code is too strict, no matter what your dead Jedi say."_

_"I'll not have a fourteen-year-old tell me how to run my order. It is too dangerous. This discussion is over, Ben..."_

Startled, she blinked, and the room was barren and empty again. Heart pounding, she tucked the sphere away in a pouch at her waist and retreated from the room, frightened by the vision and its implications. Taking deep breaths, she forced herself to calmness again and carried on down the hallway. No other room spoke to her, but she found herself drawn to the end of the hall, where the wind came in through a gaping, crumbling hole punched through to outside.

She blinked, and the hole was a small terrace. Younger Luke was there again, in different robes this time, and there was a man with him... _Papa_.

Rey's heart lurched, cried out, but the sensation faded as she became a little girl again, standing in the hallway. She wasn't supposed to be listening, but she was bored. She wanted to go home.

_"The child has been exposed to the dark side," Luke said. "I'm sorry, but I cannot possibly take on another."_

_"I want her to be safe," her father said._

_"If what you say is true, she will never be safe here."_

_"Hey."_

_Rey turned to the voice behind her, a boy with dark hair dressed in robes. His eyes flicked upward, above her head, and she tipped her head back to see a round object floating there, doing circles around and around her head like a halo. Giggling, she reached up to grab it, but it rose higher. She was not going to be enticed to leap around after it like a puppet, though, so she dropped her hands and looked back at the boy. His eyes were dark, sad._

_"Why are you sad?" she asked._

_"I'm not sad," he replied. "Why are you so nosy?"_

_"I'm not nosy!"_

_"What's your name?"_

_"Classified!" She giggled at her own game._

_"What a terrible name for a four-year-old."_

_"I'm five!"_

_He caught the ball from the air, then sent it circling around her head. Trapping her tongue between her teeth, she concentrated hard on trying to grab it as it whirled past her shoulder. When it slid from her fingertips, he made it whirl faster, and she concentrated hard, determined to beat his game. She would have succeeded, too, if her father hadn't come off the terrace._

_"Come, sweetheart," he said. The boy caught the ball and turned away. Her father took her hand, glancing curiously at the boy before leading her off down the stone hallway._

_"Are we going home now?" she asked, skipping over the cracks on the floor._

_"No, love," her father replied tiredly._

_She looked up at him. He was sad now, too._

_Still grasping her hand, her father tugged her outside, toward the ship-_

The temple returned to ruins, the silence broken by a sob from Rey's lips as she fell to her knees. A welling of emotion poured up from inside her, threatening to cripple her. There was longing, and loneliness, and anger, too, _so much anger_ because he'd left her in the end, he'd left and he hadn't come back, and goddamn it how could he lie like that when Rey loved him so much?

"Come back," Rey whispered, tears coursing down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to call up the vision again, but it wouldn't come. It was gone, and just like her father it wasn't ever coming back.

She sat there for a long time, on the floor in the ash-strewn hallway, the crippling loneliness that had haunted her life coming back and wrapping itself around her like a cloak. Unwilling to leave the place, she curled up next to the wall there as the orange glow of the sunset flowed in from the hole in the wall. It would have been safer to sleep in the ship, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the place where she and her father had been together.

In the morning she was sore and hungry, and after one last glance around the temple, she left.

She felt strangely defeated on the way back, the long journey through hyperspace in Luke's little X-wing giving her too much time to think. Eventually her thoughts drifted to the conversation between her father and Luke, and what the words meant. _If what you say is true, she will never be safe here._

When she arrived back, Master Luke seemed to already know what she'd seen.

"Come," he said, and they settled on opposite sides of the fire in the stone hut. His expression was grave. Regretful. Uncertain.

"I remember my father's face now that I've seen it, but I don't know his name," she said. "I can't remember my mother at all."

"What do you remember?" Luke asked gently.

"Bits and pieces, I suppose? There were others, always with me, until... I don't know. I remember being in a ship with my father. It was important that I never tell anyone my name. He left me and said he was coming back, but..." Her eyes filled with tears. "Why didn't he ever come back?"

"I don't know," Luke replied quietly. "I'm sorry."

"He came to you for help. And you..." The tears spilled from her eyes. "Why did you turn us away?"

Luke lowered his eyes briefly, as if listening to some other voice in his own mind, then raised them again. "Your father was aware that Snoke was corrupting my nephew. When he realized you were force sensitive, he took you away to safety. I had my hands full already with trying to keep Ben in the light. I couldn't possibly take on another like him."

She'd never have been safe there. While she understood, it hurt all the same. Still, what was worse? Being abandoned at Luke's temple or being abandoned on Jakku?

Luke looked down at his hands. "My father, Anakin Skywalker, was strong with the force. When they tried to train him, he became Darth Vader, and they were much more qualified than I am."

"But to not even try?" she asked softly. Was she really that dangerous?

"I could feel Ben slipping away from me. I feared having two Darth Vaders on my hands. The blood spilled would be my fault."

"What happened to my father?" she asked. "Do you know?"

"I fear that the only one who can answer that is my nephew," Luke replied. "Ben replaced him as Master of the Knights of Ren."

She recoiled from the information as if he'd slapped her. A Knight of Ren? Her father? And Kylo Ren had taken his place. Had he killed him? Rey knew he must be dead, because he would have come back otherwise. But how? And when? And why? Did nobody know about the little girl left on Jakku? Did nobody care?

Long after the conversation ended, long into the night she dwelt on those questions, and her identity. She had little memory of her early years apart from snippets that didn't make much sense. Why had she been left on Jakku? Was it for safety? Had he really never intended to come back? What had happened to her father?

There was really only one way to find out the answer to that question. And that was to ask the boy with the sad eyes who now called himself Kylo Ren.


	2. Monster

_You're a monster._

At the external observation portal of the _Finalizer_ , Kylo Ren regarded the expanse of stars on the other side of the glass in meditative silence. Behind his mask, his eyes moved from one spot of twinkling light to another, knowing his mother would be on a planet near one of them. And near another, one that could have been any of the stars before him or none of them, would be his uncle. And the girl. Hs eyes moved from one star to the next. Where was she? With his mother? With Luke?

Alone?

She was right there before him, and he'd never find her.

"Sir?"

He turned his head just the slightest bit to the right. Behind him, Mitaka was terrified but trying to hide it. They were always afraid when they brought him news. Any news. Today, Mitaka was slightly less terrified, which meant that the news was positive.

"Yes?" he inquired, allowing his voice to betray nothing of his thoughts.

"We have received a report that Luke Skywalker's X-wing was seen leaving the old Jedi training temple on Yavin IV. The serial numbers match, as does the description of the R2 unit accompanying the ship."

"And do you have a description of the pilot?"

"Our source says it was a girl, Sir."

It was her. It had to be her. Why would she have been on Yavin IV, at the old temple? A long-forgotten memory tugged at his mind, and he turned and strode from the room.

Hux caught him up as he was heading for his shuttle, demanding to know where he was going.

"I require a visit to the old Imperial Archives," he said, walking right past the annoyance that was Hux and onto the ship.

"The Archives have not yet been secured!"

"Then I will secure them."

"Your obsession with the girl is getting us nowhere," Hux sneered.

Kylo ignored him. Hux had no idea what the girl was _, who_ she was, and just how valuable she could be to them. The Supreme Leader had long since come to see his point of view. He wanted the girl found as much as Kylo did.

With a snort of disgust at Kylo's silence, Hux left the shuttle.

The surface of Coruscant was in chaos, with stormtroopers fighting Resistance supporters and armed civilians who were more concerned with the First Order's blockade of the planet and the subsequent effect on its business than their governing body. Kylo set the shuttle down directly outside the archive building, scattering a group of armed civilians guarding the entrance.

Lightsaber in hand, he walked off the shuttle, deflecting blaster fire and throwing a force push at the perpetrators, sending them flying. Then he walked into the building.

"Please!" an elderly man just inside the door begged. "Please don't destroy it!"

"I wish to see the holo records sent to and from the Imperial Palace directly after the fall of the Empire," Kylo replied.

"Anything!" the old man said desperately, scurrying off down the corridor. "Just please don't burn it! I'll do anything!"

An hour later, Kylo had seen what he needed. He walked back outside to see a unit of stormtroopers engaged in battle with the civilians. They shouted insulting things at him and at the stormtroopers, none of which were of much concern to Kylo. Blocking blaster fire, he walked over to the closest stormtrooper.

"Secure the building," he ordered. "It will be left intact or you will personally answer to me."

"Yes, Sir!"

Kylo went to his ship and left, thoughts churning over the archival holograms and what they meant. And Rey... where was she? What had she been doing at the temple? There was nothing there anymore, nothing but ash and bones and pain. It needled him that she could have been there for any length of time and he hadn't heard of it. In the end, though, that didn't matter anyway, because even if he had known that she was on Yavin IV, he never would have gone there. Anywhere else, but not there. Not ever again.

It had been after a particularly bad argument with Master Luke that he'd left, the dark voice in his mind bidding him to come, to further the training that his uncle would never allow. To explore his full potential. That voice had been with young Ben Solo for as long as he could remember, and he knew who it was, had screamed at it to leave him alone. _You must fight him, Ben_ , Luke had said, time and time again. _Do not let him draw you to the dark side._

He'd wanted Leader Snoke out of his head. He was always there, telling him it was okay to push too far. He wanted him out. He still wanted him out. But the light side of the force had never come easy, and so he thought he'd try the dark, because maybe it would come easier. He was angry and lonely and insignificant, and the dark side promised him a legacy and a place to fit in. It had come easier to his grandfather, after all, whose ghost sometimes spoke, too.

But the darkness didn't come easily, either. He disliked killing. _Not that_ , the light protested, as innocents died at his hand, as he stood aside and let the fanatical Hux kill billions. Hadn't he promised his mother, who had lost her home in the same way, that he would never go that far? And he hadn't, but he had done nothing to stop it, and he was in too far to turn back now. He had told himself the same thing before igniting the saber that caused such disbelief, such betrayal to cross his dying father's face.

_Do the thing Vader couldn't do._

His father's death hadn't killed the light. It had only made it scream louder. When did it end?

Nowhere. He knew that now.

He was trapped, and now he had a weakness.

Things would have been so much easier if he had just killed the girl. If he _could_ kill the girl. But he couldn't, not without damaging himself now as well. It infuriated him, his stupid infatuation with her. His fixation, his _lust_... he had told himself, time and time again, that he would allow himself no weakness, because it gave others something to use against him. It was a distraction from his purpose.

Except he _liked_ being distracted by her.

He despised himself for it.

He found himself jealous of the girl's loneliness, the solitude. It was his own future now, his terrible deeds having prevented anything else. Nobody would take him back now, not after everything he'd done. Uncle Luke had the right idea. Find a planet. Live alone.

His com beeped, interrupting his thoughts.

"Sir. We've received a message. I'm sending it to you now."

Kylo's eyes flicked to the screen, skimming the very brief, but very unusual communication there. A hyperspace route. Coordinates. His name. Instinctively, he knew exactly what it meant and who had sent it. Very few would be so bold as to issue him a summons from across the galaxy.

Rey.


	3. Ach-to

"Luke," the holographic image of the General said, "the First Order has blockaded Coruscant with the intention of establishing a governing body there. They've taken the old temple and the senate building. We must move on Snoke and turn my son back to the light. Luke, please... you're my only hope. I need you."

A hint of desperation was in Leia's voice at the end, and as the hologram disappeared, Luke stared thoughtfully at the place it had been. Chewie barked a question, to which neither Luke nor Rey had an answer.

"I need to think on this," Luke murmured, and started up the hill. Rey watched him go, then turned to Chewie.

"Need help with maintenance?"

He growled a very pointed reply.

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "Fine. But I don't know that he's going to listen to me."

At the top of the island, Luke sat meditating in the grass. Making herself comfortable beside him, Rey joined him until he was ready to speak. An hour later, she opened her eyes to find him watching the horizon contemplatively.

"It was my fault that her son turned to the dark side," he said. "Han's dead because of me."

"And yet she sent you another Jedi to train," Rey replied. "She doesn't blame you."

"Sooner or later, they will obtain the map and find this place."

"True." Rey mulled over that for a moment. "Your nephew is very resourceful."

"Indeed. He gets that from Han." Luke sighed. "And his temper from Leia. It's best I go, otherwise my next visitor will be that temper."

"I'm not going with you," Rey said, trying to sound firm. "I need to confront him. I can lure him here after you leave. I'll take the X-wing and catch up."

"Rey, you cannot draw him back to the light."

"You brought Vader back." It was a poor argument, but he couldn't know her real intentions with speaking to Kylo Ren. She had the sense that Luke didn't want her knowing about her past. There were things he was keeping from her that his nephew wouldn't, if only she could ask.

"Yes, and my faith in that never wavered," Luke replied, raising his eyes to hers. "That was foolish. I knew only what I'd heard of his exploits. A feared man, hunting down Jedi, terrorizing the galaxy... it was only afterward during my perusal of the Imperial Archives that I discovered the true extent of his depravity. He cut down children in cold blood. It was completely foolish to believe that I could turn a man like that. Even his mentor had given up on him, and Obi Wan knew him for decades. I got lucky, Rey. The only reason he turned back was because of the love for his wife and in turn the pieces of her that still live. Kylo Ren loves nobody, and even if he is fascinated by you, you must remember that."

"But turning him and defeating Snoke is our only hope," she countered. "The Republic's fleet has been decimated and we don't stand a chance against theirs. Let me try, even if it's just to plant a seed of doubt."

She felt him relenting, meaning she'd picked the right deception. He'd never have agreed if she'd told him that she wanted to ask Kylo about her father. Luke didn't have to know that, and neither did Kylo, for that matter. Not yet, anyway.

"Rey, it's dangerous."

"I understand, but I need to do this."

Luke sighed. "Be careful."

"I will."

Once Luke had decided to leave, he was very efficient about it. When they were gone, she went down to check over the X-wing and have Artoo ready it for a potentially hasty departure. The little droid seemed happy to be there, whistling and chirping as he checked the systems and making Rey smile.

Satisfied with that, she sent out a communication to the senate building on Coruscant, whose channels would be monitored by the First Order now that they had overtaken it. It was simple: Kylo Ren's name, a hyperspace route, and coordinates to her location. The intended recipient was unmistakable, as was her intention.

Then she went back up the hill to wait and lay dozing in the sunlight, stretched out on the grass with her hands linked comfortably behind her head. It was the most time to herself she'd had since she arrived, and she savoured every moment of it. Light eventually turned to dark, and she retreated to the hut to sleep. Her sleeping mat was nothing much, but her blankets were warm against the cool night. She'd always slept easier here, free from the aching loneliness that would keep her awake long into the night on Jakku. Now she often dreamed of the green of Takodana, its trees whispering as a warm breeze wandered through.

A small sound woke her in the morning, a rodent, she thought, until she opened her eyes to see a pair of black boots a few feet from her head. Gasping, she shot to a sitting position, taking in the tall profile of Kylo Ren standing in what equated to her bedroom. He was maskless, and his face was now marred by a long scar running diagonally from cheek to forehead. It should have made him more threatening, but she found the opposite to be true instead. It made him look more human somehow, a mark of someone else's touch on his otherwise impassive face.

And it _was_ impassive, emotionless, much like the first time they'd spoken in the interrogation room on Starkiller Base. Doubt crept into her mind, and she wondered if her plan was foolish after all. At any rate, it was too late.

"I could have killed you in your sleep just now," he said. She'd forgotten how deep his voice was. He was turning a small metallic ball in his hands, the one she'd taken from the temple. It had been sitting on the floor beside her sleeping mat, close enough to touch. "You should be more cautious."

"And I could have sent you through a supernova with that hyperspace route, for all you knew," she shot back, snatching up the lightsaber that was tucked just under the mat and then climbing to her feet. "So I suppose we're even."

"I do not appreciate being summoned," he said.

"Are you certain of that?" she countered. "You seem to have no problem being summoned by your Supreme Leader."

He ignored her. "Where's Luke?"

Interesting that he'd said _Luke_ rather than _Skywalker_. He was already distracted. He'd never have had a slip of the tongue like that in the presence of his peers, of that she was certain.

"Gone back to the Resistance." She delighted in telling him, in sensing his irritated response. Putting a wrench in his plans was all she'd ever done, and she would continue to do so until his death or redemption.

Rather than pursue the subject, though, he changed it again. "This is mine," he said, eyes moving down to the sphere in his hands, and then abruptly moving back up to meet her gaze. She wondered if he remembered the little girl in the hallway. His hands moved over the object in the same way they had when he was a boy, as if it soothed him somehow.

"Take it," she said, feigning fearlessness, moving past him and out into the front room where the food was kept. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Where's your mask?"

"Your friends blew it up."

She was grinning at him before she could stop herself. He did not seem amused, though something briefly flickered in his eyes. What was it? Indignation? Pleasure? She couldn't tell.

"I have another," he added.

"And you didn't dress up for me? I'm disappointed."

Facing him, she ate her last piece of bread, one hand on her hip, the posture and act to show him that she wasn't afraid. He watched her silently, only looking away when she licked her lips, and only then to tuck the metal sphere away somewhere in his robes. She wondered why he wanted it, besides that it had belonged to him. The object held some importance that he'd never tell her or anyone.

She jerked her head toward the door and then walked out without waiting for him to follow. He did, of course, bootsteps crunching lightly on the dirt and gravel as they walked up and up, to the peak of the island and the sloped grassy area where the view was best. It was also the best place for practicing fighting, and held a quick escape route down the cliff path to the X-wing below.

She faced him there, the wind tugging strands of her hair loose. He stopped a distance away, as unamused as ever. The sunlight looked good on him.

"Are you going to tell me why I'm here?" he asked, a little testily.

"What do you know about my father?"

She was met with silence.

"Tell me!"

"If you agree to be my student, I'll tell you everything I know," he replied elusively.

For a fraction of a second, she almost considered it. "No."

"No?" he stepped toward her, only stopping when he was inside her personal space, a tactic that she knew was designed to intimidate. Two could play that game, she decided. She stood her ground, tipping her head up to stare directly into his too-close eyes. If that unnerved him he didn't show it.

"Try it," she said, keeping her voice deliberately soft. "Get into my head, Kylo Ren."

His eyes locked onto hers, and a fraction of a second later she felt him prod her mind. When it went nowhere, he quickly withdrew, both mentally and physically.

"Luke always was a good teacher," he said, moving a few paces away and then turning back. "I'll offer you a deal."

"I'm listening."

"We duel. If you win, I'll you everything you want to know. If I win, you come with me and let me teach you."

"Please," she snorted. "If I win, you tell me everything. If you win, I'll let you into my mind."

"Why would I want into your mind?"

"Because you're fascinated with me. That's the real reason you came. It's also the reason I won our last fight. You were testing me."

His silence was the most confirmation she'd get. Turning, he paced away from her, then abruptly spun back, lightsaber in hand. As she drew her own and stepped forward to meet him, she noted that his design had improved. It was less ragged, more polished, the crossguard vents a bit smaller and controlled.

When their blades clashed, she immediately knew that she was outmatched. During their last fight he had been wounded, testing her, prolonging their time together, and the difference now was that he was healthy and sparring with her as he would an equal and expecting her to be exactly that. The battle soon became less a match and more a training exercise. They would have been equally matched if not for his underlying ruthlessness, a savagery that he put into every blow. Though she struggled to keep up with his every move, she also relished in the challenge. Master Luke's training had been controlled. Kylo's was decidedly raw, intense. She liked it.

"I know why you wear a mask," she panted, when their lightsabers locked together at one point.

He shoved her back and spun away; they clashed again. She ducked and leapt away, pacing backward. He strode forward and attacked again, his pace savage, his swing ruthless. She had the sense that he was relishing the fight as well, hardly holding back at all, just enough so that he wouldn't kill her. They were well matched, though she lacked the brute force that he put behind every swing, sometimes carelessly.

"Enlighten me," he said, as their sabers clashed again, and again.

"Everything shows. In your eyes. Even in your voice. You can't help it, so you hide it."

Their lightsabers locked again, and he pushed her backwards toward a spire of rock.

"You're not so dark, Kylo Ren," she told him. "I see you."

He broke away and attacked again. She was caught off guard, and as much as she tried to parry his blows, he was faster and more experienced. A stumble over a small rock nearly turned into a fall, her hands flying out to regain her balance. His lightsaber crashed against hers, causing it to fall from her loose grip and tumble away somewhere in the grass. He advanced on her and instinctively she backed away, running up against the spire of rock, and a second later he was on her, one forearm across her chest, pinning her to the rock surprisingly gently, his lightsaber crackling between their faces. Too close. Much too close.

"You see nothing," he said, and the light of his saber disappeared. Calling upon peace, she forced herself to raise her eyes to his. He kept her pinned with his arm and said absolutely nothing. What was he waiting for? For her to run away? She could have, easily. He wasn't using any force on her, physical or otherwise.

Her eyes wandered over his face. Close up, the scar looked uglier, and she wondered why he hadn't had it healed completely. Surely there were other scars on his body, too, from the bowcaster and her lightsaber. Had he kept those scars, too? And why?

His eyes reminded her of space, a vast darkness to them, a depth where one could see constellations in one instant and single stars millions of miles apart in the next. They studied her now as she studied him, tracing the outline of her face, dropping briefly downward. She found herself suddenly looking at his lips, too, so impassively arranged on his face that she wondered if they ever smiled.

The air between them was charged with something unfamiliar to her. She wondered if he felt it, too.

"Go ahead," she said softly, breaking the spell between them. "You've won."

Opening her mind to him, she felt a brief ache as he brought up his other hand and probed it. The hand dropped, though, and the ache stopped, so quickly that she wondered what he'd seen to send him running.

Then, unexpectedly, he used the force to pull her toward him, to turn her and trap her against his chest, the arm curling around the front of her body now. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, and she called upon peace again, letting it soothe away the fear and doubts. She could feel his chest rising and falling against her back, his heart beating as wildly as hers.

Suddenly she felt calm. Peaceful. Sleepy. Her eyes fell closed, her mind pulled to dreaminess like a silent lullaby was being sung. Vaguely, she felt him touch her face, a caress with shaking fingertips. He was using the force on her mind like he'd done before, but slower this time, gentler, lulling to her sleep. While she knew she should have fought it, it felt too good, too peaceful, and she'd never been held like this by anyone else in her life.

"Let me teach you," came his voice, soft this time. "Come with me."

"No," she said, the word coming out soft, maybe a little slurred.

And just like that, the veil withdrew, and she blinked as he released her.

"I see that you truly do not wish to learn the power of the dark side," he said, "but you will. And when you do, you will come to me."

He turned and disappeared down the hill.

There was so much she wanted to scream after him. She wanted to call out his arrogance, to vehemently deny his certainty. She wanted to demand that he tell her about her father, to ask why he'd killed his own father. She wanted to know why he'd gone dark and what the electricity between them was, if it was simply the force or something else, something greater.

But she said nothing, and her only answer was the wind. A few minutes later his ship ascended into the sky and disappeared, and she was left on the windy bluff with an increasing sense of confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [What Kylo expected to find in Rey's mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMDgAevEJds)
> 
> [What he actually found](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxeqdLWQco4)
> 
> [His reaction](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WgKubW5Z0o)
> 
> I couldn't find the right song to fit their confusion over their feelings but it'll be addressed in the next chapters. ;)
> 
> Hope anyone reading this is enjoying it and any comments are much appreciated. This is my first fic for this fandom and it's pretty nerve-wracking to put it up!


	4. Vision

Kylo couldn't put enough space between himself and the girl. Rey. If the ability had existed, he would have run his ship clear into the next galaxy, because no amount of space he could put between them in this one was enough. It had been stupid to go to her. Foolish. He'd been driven by impulse, by obsession, and the situation could have been much worse.

Except that wasn't true. Being ambushed by Luke Skywalker and the Resistance would have been much more preferable than that glimpse into her mind.

What he'd found there had been... unexpected. He had long since gained control of his own physical impulses, but to see them at the forefront of her mind, unrecognized and unrestrained... they'd caught him off guard, had puzzled and confused him and sent long-repressed feelings crashing through his body. He hated them. He hated her. Except he didn't.

He wanted her.

And she wanted him, but if she knew it, she'd be disgusted with herself. Because he was a monster. She'd said so herself.

He was going to be in trouble if Leader Snoke sensed his thoughts. All he had to do was convince himself that his feelings didn't go beyond compassion, because Leader Snoke already knew that and still wanted the girl. If he knew that Kylo's mind had moved beyond that, to desire and infatuation, then there was a good chance he'd order her killed, because those emotions practically lit a path to the light side.

So during the journey through hyperspace, he told himself that compassion was all he felt, and by the time he arrived back at the _Finalizer,_ still in orbit around Coruscant, he had himself convinced. Almost.

He was summoned immediately, which he'd expected. Leader Snoke didn't like it when he went rogue, and he'd taken off after the girl without consulting him or anyone else. As expected, he was chastised for his actions, though Snoke's focus quickly moved to Skywalker and Rey.

"And the girl's training?"

"Advanced, though she has not yet built her own lightsaber," Kylo replied. "I easily won our duel."

"And you let her go again?" Snoke's disapproval didn't show in his voice, but was apparent nonetheless.

"It was necessary, Supreme Leader," Kylo replied, trying to sound assured, confident. "To gain her as an ally, we must gain her trust."

"Tell me this was not a wasted mission, Kylo Ren. I expect more from an apprentice who has completed their training." Disgust was now in Snoke's voice.

Internally, Kylo's anger flared, though outwardly he let nothing show. Not in his face. Not in his voice. In that his training had been successful, at least. "I have confirmation that she is who we suspect she is."

"Be careful that your compassion does not override your judgement or I will use her for the sole purpose of a lesson to you."

"I understand, Supreme Leader."

"And the Resistance?"

"I placed a tracking beacon on her ship. We'll know the location of their new base in a matter of hours."

"Well done. Report to me when you find it."

Dismissed, Kylo went to his quarters, long overdue for a sleep cycle. Stripping himself of his robes, he meditated before going to bed, pointedly turning down the air temperature in his sleeping alcove and allowing the subsequent discomfort to fuel the dark side. He was somewhere in the place between sleep and awake when Rey's face came to him. She was kneeling beside him on the bed, hair loose, voice hushed.

_"Are you not cold?" she asked._

_He felt a smile cross his face and didn't care that it was there. "Not anymore," he told her, and stretched out a hand._

The vision faded as Kylo fell asleep, the ghost of the smile lost to darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm... interesting little vision he has there, isn't it? ;)


	5. Base

Rey tried to piece together the puzzle that was Kylo Ren, and ultimately failed.

Why?

The worst part was that she'd liked being in his arms. She'd liked being held and lulled to sleepiness, no matter how nefarious his intentions... if they were nefarious at all. It seemed to her that his little trick had been intended to show off his powers and get a genuine answer out of her. She could only conclude that he'd resorted to it because he'd seen something in her head that made him doubt the first time she'd told him she didn't want to go with him.

What had he seen? Was the dark side calling out to her? She couldn't understand any of it.

And why did she feel so... charged?

Her perception of him puzzled her. On the one hand, he was still the monster in the mask, the creature who had terrified her in the forest on Takodana, the brute who had fought her on Starkiller Base. On the other hand, though... there was something compelling about him, something beyond the mask, something deeper that sang to her, a pull towards him that she didn't understand.

"I don't understand him, Artoo," she said aloud. The droid beeped an inquiry, and she smiled. "Yes. Ben."

Artoo made a sad noise.

"I know, but it's not my job to bring him back to the light," she replied. "Don't tell Master Luke that I lied."

Artoo beeped another inquiry.

"No. He didn't tell me anything. I don't even know why he came."

When she landed at the new base on Daluuj, she was immediately captivated by yet another new environment, this one so miserable that it made Jakku look like paradise. The base was located on a flat surrounded by massive canyons, and the entirety of it, including the landing zone, looked like it might swallow everything whole. It was so muddy that when Rey jumped down, she nearly sunk up to her ankles in the stuff. It was a barren, mucky, swampy mess, and the rain poured down in sheets.

Artoo babbled out something rude that she wouldn't have dared say herself as he extracted himself from the ship. She was about to agree with him when a shout reached her ears, and she shielded the rain with one hand, eyes finally making out a figure jogging towards her.

"Finn!" she shouted, running forward to meet him in a wet hug.

"Am I glad to see you!" he laughed, squeezing her tightly before letting her go. "They said you'd be a bit behind. What happened?"

"I'll tell you later!" she shouted, over the roar of the rain. "Where's Luke?"

"With the General," Finn shouted back. "They still won't let me in the command centre, but I'll take you there."

Artoo sped along behind them, beeping out rude comments about the place that had Rey both laughing and wondering where Dagobah was and why it had gained the rank of _Worst Place Ever_ in Artoo's database before coming here.

Rey was shivering by the time they entered the building that the Resistance was occupying. Finn led them down several hallways, deep into the building to a pair of closed doors.

"I'll catch up with you later," Finn said, clapping her on the shoulder.

Rey went in to find the place buzzing with activity, Luke and Leia off to one side, discussing something over a monitor. They looked up as one when Artoo jabbered a greeting and raced over to Luke, and Leia hurried over to Rey, snatching a blanket up from a nearby chair as she came.

"You must be freezing," she said, wrapping the blanket snugly around Rey's shoulder. "It's not the best planet, but it'll have to do for now. We'll get you warmed up soon."

"Thank you," Rey replied, unused to such maternal gestures and finding that she liked it. She pulled the blanket tighter around herself and smiled a greeting at Luke.

"Well, you're in one piece," Luke said. "May I ask how it went?"

She shrugged, and found that she couldn't look either of them in the eye. "He came; we fought. He left. He offered to teach me again."

The twins exchanged a glance. "That means Snoke wants you," Leia said, putting an arm around her shoulders and leading her from the room. "We'll talk about that later. You must be exhausted."

Thirty minutes later, Rey had a belly full of food, dry clothes on, and was tucked up under several warm blankets in the barracks. She fell asleep almost immediately, and woke several hours later to find the bunks surrounding her occupied by sleeping figures. She slept again, and the next time she opened her eyes to activity around her and rose for the day, eventually ending up at the mess hall.

Finn was there, waving at her from a table across the room. After receiving her ration, she joined him. He'd already finished his, but pulled his chair closer to hers and stayed while she ate.

"So what's new? You a Jedi now or what?"

"Not quite," she replied, swallowing a chunk of bread. "I've learned a lot, though."

"That's good. So why were you behind?"

She hesitated, but Finn was her friend, and she didn't want to lie to him. "I lured Kylo Ren to the island to speak with him."

Finn was aghast. "You _what?_ And Luke consented? Are you both crazy? You saw what he did to Solo-"

While he ranted, she finished her food, then set aside her fork. "It was fine," she said, when he was done. "I know what I'm doing."

"Yeah. I'm sure you do."

They fell silent. He clearly didn't agree with what she'd done, but he didn't know why she'd done it... and he knew more about Kylo than she did.

"Finn," she asked carefully, keeping her voice unaffected, "what do you know about Kylo Ren?"

Finn's face swivelled toward her, eyebrows raised. "Hey, when I asked if you had a cute boyfriend, that's not what I meant."

She elbowed him. Laughing, he shook his head like he thought she was nuts. "Didn't see him much," he said. "It was a big place, you know? He's quiet though. Too quiet. And that mask is scary as hell."

"He didn't wear his new mask," she mused. "I wonder if it's the same."

Finn turned to stare at her again. "Do I want to ask?"

"Probably not."

"Listen, don't go falling for Kylo Ren, Rey. Even if he is the General's son. And by the way, I did not see that one coming."

"I am not _falling_ for anyone-" she began, outraged.

This time, he elbowed her. "Come on. I was just joking. So what happened?"

"Nothing, really. We fought and then he left. There was just... something there."

Finn abruptly turned serious. "Hey, if you're attracted to Ren, there's nothing wrong with that. It just happens. Like I think Poe's got a great ass, right? Doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about it, because he's my buddy and he's seeing that guy in engineering. But it's there, and there's nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. It is what it is. Understand?"

She laughed, while inside she was intensely grateful for his friendship. "Oh, Finn. If you start giving me The Talk, I'm leaving."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you _had_ The Talk? Alone on a junkyard planet and all-"

"I'm leaving." She stood up, grabbing her dish and fork, his laughter following her.

"Meet me here later!" he called. "Poe's been teaching me how to fly, and I wanna hear all about this Jedi stuff!"

She threw a hand up and waved vaguely in his direction, not daring to turn around to let him see her reddening face.

So she was attracted to Kylo Ren. So what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the last chapter of setup and things will start to happen very quickly after this. I just felt like it was important for Rey to figure out and acknowledge what she's thinking and feeling so that it can be developed later on.


	6. Daluuj

"Fighters?"

"Deployed. Fighters are engaged."

"Landers?"

Phasma's voice crackled through the com. "Reaching the ground now, Sir."

"Good." Hux's voice was icy. "Kill them all."

Kylo's shuttle descended through fog and rain, the weather obscuring the sun as easily as darkness, the surface a dim twilight. Out the cockpit window, TIE fighters and Resistance X-wings raced back and forth, lasers firing, an explosion occasionally lighting up the dreary sky. They'd caught the Resistance by surprise, but just barely. They'd still had time to begin evacuating and to deploy their fighters.

Kylo turned and walked to the exit ramp, where his Knights were waiting, checking their weapons and making final adjustments to clothing and masks.

"Orders, Sir?" Jaco asked, without looking up from his sword.

"Kill as many as you can," Kylo replied. "Skywalker is mine."

"And the General?"

Reaching out, Kylo felt his mother's presence with the force. She was still on the planet, though no doubt they'd be scrambling to evacuate her and the others. He tried not to think about her. Failure to destroy the Resistance was not an option.

"She is none of my concern," he replied.

If his mother sought him out, he'd have to kill her, just as he had his father. In a logistical sense, he understood this, but in actuality he wasn't sure he could do it. Han's death had torn a hole inside him, had weakened him, had tortured him with thoughts of his mother and the hurt he'd caused her. He wanted to be glad to have caused such hurt, but instead he was ashamed. Too ashamed to face her. Too ashamed to face Luke.

Skywalker was still on the surface too. Kylo could feel his presence as well as he could his mother's, their force signatures pulsating with life. And Rey... Rey he could feel as well. He didn't want to face her, either.

The shuttle touched down, and a gust of wind blew the rain inside as Kylo and the Knights of Ren strode out into the fray. The surface was chaos, with members of the Resistance struggling to race for their ships, the mud and the stormtroopers hindering them. Many were already dead.

Almost immediately, Kylo was fired upon. The rain obscured his vision, though not as badly as it would have in the old helmet. He blocked the blaster fire and quickly noted that the Resistance fighters had formed a line to cover those racing for the ships. He started for them, but almost immediately several more figures emerged from the bunker behind them. Dimly, Kylo noted his mother, Chewie, and FN-2187 racing away as their cover began firing, but his attention was on the other two figures who had emerged to join the battle. One green lightsaber, and one blue.

Rey raced off into the rain somewhere on his left, and Luke came towards him.

"Ben!" he shouted, over the noise of the battle.

Kylo attacked.

Luke was quick to parry his blows and attack in turn, his blows aimed to disarm rather than kill. Kylo played along, having expected as much. Luke hadn't killed Vader and he wouldn't kill his nephew, a fact which should have made it easy for Kylo to cut Luke down, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. After the fiasco with his father, the last thing he wanted to do was kill his uncle.

The light was tugging at his mind again, weakness brought on by his family's presence that fuelled a rage directed at himself. He attacked with renewed vigour, hell bent on getting his uncle to maim him somehow. It was the only way for it to end.

"Ben!" Luke shouted again, as their blades briefly locked together. "Enough of this!"

Kylo left his right flank open, but Luke simply spun away. Kylo couldn't very well scream at his uncle to injure him, but he wanted to. Luke couldn't kill him, but he could save him from being killed by Leader Snoke when he found out that Kylo had failed to dispatch the last Jedi.

"Come home," Luke appealed again.

"You sound like Han!" Kylo shouted back. "Ben is dead just like him. I cut them both down."

Luke's fighting style didn't change. It was as if Kylo hadn't spoken. Instead of affecting Luke, however, the words affected himself, an image of the betrayed expression on his father's face filling his mind, and then the other –the look of pity, of sadness, of forgiveness, and the distinct sensation of Han's hand touching his face. Kylo could feel it on his cheek, beneath the rain and the rage and the mask.

He screamed, attacking again, using his own self-loathing to fuel his rage, his blade clashing against Luke's over and over again, feet slipping in the mud, briefly stumbling over a body. Luke's expression remained impassive, though his eyes were sad. Perhaps that was just the rain running into them, giving his uncle the impression of tears. Kylo wanted to kill him. He wanted to cut him down. He wanted to eliminate the Jedi and all they stood for. But the ghostly hand on his cheek grew warmer, and he found his blows stopping just short of killing, though he cut Luke's arm at one point. It wasn't even the right arm, though.

Kylo felt pathetic, defeated. Dimly, he was aware that the battle around them had begun to wane. The rain fell in sheets, and the ground was littered with bodies. He had to end this. He had to end it now.

Another attack, and Kylo beat Luke back several paces.

_Kill him._

The darkness surged through him again, and they parried again. Luke's left flank was open-

And Rey was screaming.

Her distress reached his ears and cut through his mind like a knife. Reacting instinctively, he threw a force push toward Luke, catching him off guard and hurtling him backward into the mud. That was all he needed to escape, to storm through the blaster fire, the screaming and the wounded and the stormtroopers firing upon the fleeing Resistance ships in search of her. Instinctively he knew she was on the edge of the battlefield, near the _Millennium Falcon_ , though he couldn't see the light of her saber.

She was on the ground, in a field of bodies, and Jaco was torturing her, electrocuting her over and over again with the tip of his specialized saber-sword. Rage clouded Kylo's mind, and as Jaco swung his sword up to deliver a killing blow, Kylo charged up and thrust his lightsaber through his comrade's chest.

Rey looked up at him as the body fell, eyes wide with terror.

He tore off his mask.

He crouched next to her, and she gasped, snatching up the lightsaber that he so coveted, now coated in mud. She froze when he extinguished his own, the fear in her eyes replaced by wariness and confusion. Reaching out, he laid a hand on the side of her face, feeling the force thrumming strong through her despite her injuries. She'd live, but she needed medical attention. A cut to her side was bleeding badly.

A drop of rain from his nose fell like an icy tear and landed on her cheek. He wiped it away with the back of his gloved hand, a useless gesture because he couldn't even see the drop amongst the rain coating her face. She blinked and stared at him, and he felt her trying to make sense of the gesture, a futile cause, because he didn't understand it himself, except... she pulled at him. They were one and the same, she and him. And touching her face... it had been so long since he'd touched someone with such tenderness.

"If you're going to kill me, get it over with," she said. She was shivering, whether from the rain or from fear or injury, he didn't know. "You'll never have a better opportunity."

He withdrew his hand, her words disappointing him. He had none in return.

"Are you going to steal me again, then?"

"No, Rey." He shook his head, more droplets falling.

"Did you kill my father?" she demanded, a hint of desperation to the words. His mind took him back to the man with a similar desperation in his eyes.

"He's buried on Ord Mantell, by Ten Mile Plateau," he found himself saying. "Unless you want to end up like him, you need to get to a medical facility."

She nodded, mouth dropping open a little. There was still fear there, but something else as well. Gratitude? Curiosity? Confusion? A mix of emotions that he couldn't begin to sort out.

He moved to stand up, but she reached out and grabbed his wrist, eyes blinking up at him through the downpour.

"Why?" she asked. He didn't understand what she was asking, but at the same time he did understand.

"I don't know."

"Thank you." She released his wrist, though he could still feel the contact.

A presence buzzed through his mind, and he rose and spun, finding Luke Skywalker standing there, watching him. The Jedi's face was inscrutable, but Kylo could sense his confusion. He decided that he didn't owe Luke an explanation, because he didn't have one for himself. Reaching down to grab his mask, he ignited his lightsaber and walked away. The battle was over, the last of the Resistance ships fleeing for their lives. With his saber, he put a few wounded, dying lives out of their misery. His knights came to him, appearing through the haze of rain.

"Jaco's missing," one of his men said.

"He's dead," Kylo replied flatly, shoving his mask back on. "He broke his oath."

"Orders, sir?"

"Search their base," he replied, turning to watch the ship carrying Rey and Luke rise into the sky. "Our advantage may have caused them to leave information. I want to know where they're going."

"Yes, sir."

And they were gone. Kylo turned his eyes to the sky, watching the _Falcon_ disappear. Rey would live, of that he was certain. Would she go to Ord Mantell?

He turned away, wading through devastation that he'd wrought, and disappeared into the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know Kylo would do this. Dude's a hot mess.


	7. Ord Mantell

_He's buried on Ord Mantell, by Ten Mile Plateau._

While recovering from her injuries, Rey had mulled over Kylo's words, already having decided to go to Ord Mantell as soon as she was able. She hadn't told anyone what Kylo had said, only that he'd told her where her father was buried, because she'd anticipated their protests, and she'd been right. Master Luke had warned her not to go. Leia had begged her. Even Chewie had tried to convince her that it was all a trap and a ploy, and to at least let him go with her. Rey had declined the offer and shrugged off their protests. This was something she had to do alone. None of them could understand, not really. She'd waited for her father to come back for her for fourteen years, and now she'd found him. Of that she was certain. Kylo Ren was many things, but he had never lied to her.

She left in the night, taking Luke's old X-wing. Nobody on Ord Mantell wanted to tell her where Ten Mile Plateau was without paying a price, one man even going so far as to suggest that she pay the price with her body. Her lightsaber to his neck had fixed that, and he'd reasonably come around to her point of view, offering her directions that proved to be mostly accurate.

When she got close, she let the force guide her, and she found the grave on a dusty, unremarkable plain, surrounded by scrub brush and scraggly trees. Someone had taken the time to circle it with stones, a single large, round one for the headstone. Heart in her throat, Rey fell to her knees beside it, tears coursing down her cheeks. She put her hands to her face and sobbed, sitting there for a long time, the afternoon sun gliding closer to the horizon. So overcome was she that she didn't hear the black ship's quiet approach. She did, however, hear the bootstep on the dirt behind her, and turned.

Kylo Ren was there, maskless. Of course he was there. The whole thing could have been a trap just like the others had warned her. Except it wasn't, because not only had he never lied to her, he'd gone out of his way to actively protect her. She was under no threat from him.

"Why did you have to kill him?" Tears streamed down her face. "Why? I waited for him I waited for years. And all this time-"

He was silent, watching her solemnly. He didn't confirm it, nor did he deny it.

She wanted to know how he'd killed him. She had to know. She needed to know, and then she was going to kill him in the same way. Climbing to her feet, she turned on him, for the first time letting the dark side in. Stretching out a hand, she was in his mind instantly, and though he winced, he made no move to push her out.

His mind was a tangle of darkness, despair, and fear. And anger. So much anger, much of it directed at himself. She saw how carefully he'd compartmentalized his life, his thoughts, and there were places he didn't want her to see. In defiance she shoved at one of the walls blocking those thoughts, and she felt herself pushed away ever so slightly. Then, suddenly, the memory she was searching for was thrust forth, and suddenly she was seeing through his eyes. His dark, striking eyes...

_It should have been easy._

_The man had been hiding for some time. His clothes showed wear and dishevelment, but more so did his face, lines of anxiety and fear etched there, his eyes weak and sad. He wasn't going to put up much of a fight. So it should have been easy for Kylo to strike him down, to claim his place as Master of the Knights of Ren. Except it wasn't, because there was something in his eyes that reminded him of his own father, the same regretful look he'd given him when Kylo had left for Uncle Luke's temple._

_The man lifted his chin. "You're just a boy."_

_"I assure you I am more than worthy to take your place," Kylo replied, igniting his lightsaber. "Defection is punishable by death, Dagon Ren."_

_Dagon's eyes moved beyond Kylo, to the figure standing behind him. "And you. Cati. I loved you, once."_

_The woman behind Kylo was crazed with rage, with grief and pain, and she was feeding off of it as she raised a hand toward the man before her, force choking him. "Where is she?" she demanded, her voice high and furious._

_"Safe," Dagon Ren wheezed. "Dead. That was the only place she'd ever be safe from you."_

_"Liar!" Cati screamed, voice hoarse. Her hand shook. Dagon gasped for air. "Rip her from his mind! Do it, Kylo-"_

_Kylo was much better at manipulating minds than Cati was, but a dip into Dagon's mind was met with a haze of grief so intense that he quickly withdrew._

_Dagon mouth twisted into a ghoulish smile, his eyes briefly meeting Kylo's before flicking back to Cati's. "Dead," he wheezed, the word coming out in a garbled exhalation._

_"It's true," Kylo found himself saying, the grief in the man's mind speaking for itself. "Let me-"_

_"No. You may have his place, but his death is mine."_

_Kylo pretended he didn't feel relief as Cati's fingers tightened, choking the life from the man. She looked crazed, insane, her teeth bared, her eyes blazing with uncontrolled rage. Dagon's eyes rolled back, his body jerking, going suddenly limp-_

Kylo shoved Rey from his mind as her father's body was falling, and Rey fell to her knees, hands over her face. He stood there as she sobbed, the sounds gut-wrenching even to her own ears. Never had she imagined, in all the lonely nights on Jakku, that her father had chosen not to come back to her. That was what the grief in her father's mind really meant. He had never intended to come back, and Rey had been dumped off like another piece of garbage that littered the planet.

"He took you when he discovered you were force sensitive, or so they think," Kylo said. He had crouched beside her. "You would have succeeded your mother, had you stayed."

And her father had been so desperate that he'd gone to Luke Skywalker for help, and Luke had turned his back on them. The knowledge cut her deeply, cleaving old scar tissue in two, opening the gaping wound of abandonment that she'd so carefully tucked away. Her aloneness, her emptiness, was his fault. All his fault.

"Would you have killed him?" she asked Kylo, tears still leaking from her eyes.

"I was relieved when I didn't have to do it. Killing has always been distasteful to me."

"That woman... my mother?"

"Yes."

"I hardly remember her."

"You were very young when your father took you."

She lifted her head to meet his gaze, so intense that it made her shiver. "And me? Would you have killed me?"

"Of course not," he said, almost dismissively.

"Why 'of course not'?"

Silence. She let it go.

"What happened to my mother?" she asked instead.

"The Supreme Leader killed her."

She hadn't been expecting that, and while her first reaction was anger, her Jedi training called for calm. She was shocked that he'd admitted it so freely. "Why?"

He hesitated, a frown briefly crossing his expression. "She did something terrible."

"What did she do?"

More silence.

Annoyed, she sighed. "Why can't you tell me?"

"She came across information pertaining to her interests," he said instead. "Leader Snoke approved of what she did, but she attacked him afterwards and he killed her. She had outlived her usefulness and had become unstable."

"That's very vague."

"It is. Deliberately so. It was not pleasant."

"He's using you to get to Luke and the Resistance. Surely you know that."

"Yes. That's why he keeps me around."

He stood, and without another word, walked off toward his ship. For a moment she watched him go, and then she got up herself, looking down at the grave for a long time. She wished she could hear her father speak, but there was nothing but the breeze to reach her ears, and after awhile she wandered off, finding a few flowers in the scrub. Kneeling, she set them gently on her father's grave, then sat there until sundown.

She built a fire, and surprisingly, Kylo appeared out of the darkness and sat down beside it. Keeping one eye on him, she scampered around to gather what grass and sticks she could for it, and when that was done, reluctantly joined him. With the small fire between them, she rummaged around in her pack, pulling out a ration and tearing it open. Hesitantly, she offered him half. Surprisingly, he took it.

They ate in silence while she tried to figure him out.

"Why are you here?" she asked, when they'd both finished their meals.

He raised his eyes to hers, firelight dancing in them. "You know why."

"To convince me to go with you. I know. But why are you _here?_ " She gestured to the space between them, the darkness and the dancing flames.

"Companionship?" he offered. "Would you rather I left you out here alone?"

She didn't want to answer that, and stayed silent, busying herself with tossing more branches on the fire.

"Have you ever thought about how alike we are?"

She raised her eyes to find him watching her still. "You are I are nothing alike."

His eyes moved to the flames, as if he couldn't bear to allow the confession to fall from his lips while looking at her. "The loneliness you've felt. I've felt it too. You were left on a planet. I was sent to Yavin IV like an unruly pet who needed discipline."

"You were sent to your family," she told him. "I was dumped off like garbage."

Their eyes met again. "You know that's not true. He loved you."

Tears pricked her eyes. "Do... do you think he would have come back for me?"

"Of course, Rey. Who wouldn't come back for you?"

As the tears spilled over, she looked away, as did he. They both pretended that they weren't there.

"Why become Kylo Ren?" she asked, awhile later.

"I couldn't even begin to explain it."

"You have a family who loves you."

"Yes. And their light still calls to me, despite what I've become. More so after..." He trailed off and was silent for a moment, glaring down at a clenched fist. "I wish I could kill him -I shouldn't have said that."

"Just leave. Run away, if you want to go."

"It's not that simple."

"Of course it is!"

"He's in my mind. There's no escaping him."

"You could ask for help!"

He scowled. "From who? From you? From the Jedi?"

"Why not? Luke loves you."

His expression turned angry, and when he spoke, his words were laced with poison. "My mother sent me off to a bunch of baby snatchers. That's what the Jedi are, you know. They used to convince parents to give up their force sensitive children to the Order, condemning them to peaceful, unnatural existence without their consent. Nobody can be purely peaceful and harmonious. Everyone accepts it because it's a part of the Old Republic's ideals, but they're wrong."

"And what about your stormtoopers?" she shot back. "What about Finn? He was taken as a baby like millions of others. You're against the Republic's ideals and yet you support the First Order who does the same thing."

"I never said I agreed with that," he replied. "When I am in charge, I will fix it."

"So you kill the Jedi, you kill the Republic, you kill Snoke, and you do this without being consumed by darkness?"

"I never said that. Has it ever occurred to you that I _want_ to be consumed by darkness? It's what I've been trying to do since I left the temple. The dark side makes things easier. It's how Vader found the strength to accomplish his goals."

"But you won't," she argued back. "I've seen you. You regret killing Han and you can't kill Luke and you won't kill your mother or me. The light still calls to you. You're still Ben Solo."

"I was _never_ Ben Solo," he said vehemently, angrily. "He's who they wanted when they sent me away. Nobody asked me what I wanted, and nobody cared. I begged my father to let me stay, but all that did was cause a fight between him and my mother. I was never going to be the son they wanted. I was _never_ going to be their kind and good little Ben Solo."

"Fair enough," she replied. "But you can't tell me that the dark side is better for you."

"No," he said slowly, thoughtfully. "The dark side allows for freedom, but even then it doesn't quite fit either. Anakin Skywalker was like me. He didn't fit, either."

A silence fell between them, and she found herself watching him, sensing his discomfort at having revealed so much of himself.

"Reconsider my offer," he said abruptly, standing up. "I leave at dawn."

He walked away, and she sat alone by the fire for a long time, thinking about her parents' deaths and Kylo's offer, and whether she saw it differently now that she knew more about him and his motives. He was trying to fix the conflict inside himself, to balance it and the galaxy. And he was doing it all wrong, though he'd have to figure that out for himself. And as for her... her mind replayed the memory, the twisted anger on her mother's face, the sorrow on her father's. She couldn't blame her father for wanting to take her away from the evil, but abandonment had caused her too much pain. Would things have really been different if Luke had accepted her? Would she have died at the temple with the others? Or would she have been taken right back to the place from which her father had fled?

Was that where she was meant to be all along? Her parents were dead, but her mother's Knights still lived.

There were no answers, and so she curled up and fell asleep next to the fire, which died sometime in the night. She woke in the cool hours of the wee morning, when the first hint of light was a glow on the horizon. There was a blanket thrown over her. Standard emergency issue for Sienar Fleet Systems ships. She pulled it tighter around herself and closed her eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh the plot thickens! ;) I know the whole campfire thing is a huge cliche, but I'm convinced that sitting around a fire at night has some kind of magical effect on people that makes them want to confess all their secrets.


	8. Accomplice

She wasn't coming.

Kylo gazed out the cockpit glass at the pink glow of dawn on the horizon and Rey's ship sitting dark on the dusty plain near the grave. She would have come by now if she was going to accept his offer. A part of him wanted to wait, but the other part thought that was weak and foolish, and so before the sun could rise, he brought the shuttle to life and rose into the sky.

The Supreme Leader was already angry. Angry for failing to take Rey at the battle when he should have. Angry for not killing Skywalker. He'd be angry again when he found out that Kylo had failed again, and Kylo was running out of excuses. The next time he and Rey met, he'd have to do it by force, though he disliked the idea. It was so much better if she came willingly, though he supposed having her angry at being taken against her will could be useful as well.

There would be another chance. Luke knew who she was and what she could do, and he'd be hard-pressed to keep secrets now that she knew more about her family. Perhaps once she heard Skywalker's excuses for keeping things from her, she'd change her mind.

He meditated through most of the journey through hyperspace, emerging only to change course. Near the end, he withdrew to retrieve his mask, which he'd left at the rear of the ship, near the exit ramp. As he bent to pick it up, a presence tugged at his mind, and he turned, following it to the wall panelling opposite him. His heart began to race.

"I know you're there," he said.

There was a shuffling sound, and the panel popped out, lowered gently to the ground by slender fingers. He was impressed by Rey's ability to squeeze herself into such a tight space, and irritated with himself for not sensing her presence sooner.

"I was waiting until we came out of hyperspace," she said, climbing out and then turning to replace the panel. "This doesn't mean I accept your offer in the way that you want."

Reaching down to snatch up his mask, he jerked his head toward the cockpit. She followed him, settling into the copilot's seat, arms crossed, face serene.

"I've decided to become your accomplice."

That was interesting. And annoying. "An accomplice in what?" he asked testily.

"In your plan to take down your so-called Supreme Leader."

He couldn't believe her gall. She was completely confident, though, and knew perfectly well that sneaking onto his ship only gave him the option of accepting her offer or taking her prisoner. He only had himself to blame for his behaviour, though, having made it so obvious that he had no desire to harm her. Help wasn't something he wanted, and if she'd made this offer on Ord Mantell, he'd have without a doubt left here there. He didn't need her help. This was his position, his life, and he hadn't gotten so far just for it to be compromised by a barely-trained girl who had no idea what she was up against.

"I don't need help," he replied, realizing that by saying so, he was admitting his treason.

"Why, because you're doing such a bangup job of it?" she shot back.

Fury blazed through him. "I haven't gotten this far just to be shoved aside by a junkyard scavenger."

"You haven't gotten anywhere," she hissed. "You hate him, and you said yourself that you want to kill him."

"And why do you care?"

"I care because Master Luke cares, and your mother cares, and even Chewie cares despite having shot you with his bowcaster. I want to know more about my family. The ultimate reason I was abandoned on Jakku was because of Snoke. I want to take him down and then take you home."

He knew she hadn't meant it that way, but her last words and their double meaning sent a wave of heat through his body anyway, which he quickly shoved aside and locked away in his mind. There was no time for that. Clenching his jaw, he turned his head to look at her, finding her staring back at him, as serene as ever despite her absolute conviction.

The controls beeped. They were coming out of hyperspace, and his time was up.

"Fine," he said, facing forward and disengaging the autopilot as the world slowed and the _Finalizer_ appeared ahead, still in orbit around Coruscant. He guided the shuttle toward his docking bay. "You are to speak to no one and answer no questions. Act like you belong, or I'll be forced to imprison you. Give me your lightsaber."

She handed it over, which meant that she was serious. There was no choice but to go along with her ridiculous plan, but now that she was with him, he'd be saved from his past failures. He'd deal with Leader Snoke when the timing was right.

After docking, he strode to the exit ramp, shoving his helmet on as the ramp lowered.

Beside him, Rey glanced at him, then faced forward again. "I must congratulate you on finding a mask even more terrifying than the last one."

"It's practically the same design," he replied irritably, striding forward off the ship, Rey following. He could sense her nervousness.

"Shoulders back," he murmured to her. "Look no one in the eye. Act like a queen."

Four stormtroopers met him as he exited the shuttle, glancing curiously at Rey behind him.

"Welcome back, Sir," one said. "General Hux requests your presence on the bridge. Would you like us to restrain the prisoner?"

"She's not a prisoner," he replied, striding away without acknowledging them further. He chanced a single glance back at Rey, finding her doing exactly as he'd told her. Eyes forward, shoulders back, and expression cool, she looked every bit the part she was playing.

Hux was not pleased to see her, his expression going from disbelief to disgust when she strode onto the bridge after Kylo like she had every business being there.

"What is this?" Hux asked, gesturing to Rey like she was something he'd found on the bottom of his shoe.

Kylo reminded himself that he owed Hux nothing so far as explanations went. "What do you want?" he asked dismissively, his tone conveying that the subject was closed.

Hux wasn't having any of it, though. He walked a circle around Rey, hands clasped behind his back, examining her as he would a distasteful specimen of some kind. "The Supreme Leader will not be happy about this."

"The Supreme Leader is none of your concern," Kylo replied. Hux clearly had no clue about what Leader Snoke wanted. The girl was a prize. "What is our status?"

"We've moved into the second phase of the invasion," Hux replied. "Intel says that a group of Resistance fighters was sighted near the old rebel base in the Hoth system."

"I trust that you've sent a unit to investigate."

"They're raiding the old base for parts," Rey suddenly piped up. It was probably good that he was so good at concealing his thoughts, because Kylo's glare would have sent any one of his men running away, and would have had her withering. Hux just looked suspicious.

"What use would thirty-year-old parts be?" Hux sneered. "Hard to believe the scum took out Starkiller Base with that sort of junk."

Rey just shrugged, looking bored. "The Resistance forces are severely weakened. That they're taking to raiding thirty-year-old bases for parts should signal the imminent success of your endeavour to wipe them out."

Hux looked at her for a long moment, then turned back to Kylo. "Perhaps she'll be of use after all, if she's not a spy. Proceed with caution, Ren."

Kylo spun on his heel and walked away before he did something stupid like strangle Hux. Rey strode after him, and he could sense that she was pleased with herself. As for him, he was furious. After he'd explicitly told her-

"Sir," came a metallic voice, distinctly feminine. Captain Phasma strode up to him. "Leader Snoke requests your presence in the audience chamber."

Kylo nodded and kept walking. He felt Rey's confidence waver, her nervousness return.

Leader Snoke's holographic face twisted into something resembling pleasure when Kylo walked in with Rey in his heels. He leaned forward, hands clutching his throne, sunken eyes fixed on Rey with rabid interest. Kylo didn't dare look at Rey, instead affecting disinterest. The Supreme Leader's eyes moved to Kylo.

"Well done, Kylo Ren," the ancient voice said. "It seems you have not outlived your usefulness just yet. And you-" His gaze shifted back to Rey. "-the scavenger who calls herself Rey. You are strong with the force. You've been poisoned by the light, but there is much anger in you."

Rey took a step forward. "I am Cati Ren's daughter," she told him, "and I have come to claim my birthright."

Snoke sneered at her. "That is a name which must be earned."

"So let me earn it."

"You are afraid. You want to kill me. To steal my Knights."

"Show me the ways of the dark side."

"Oh you are quite the little treasure, aren't you?" Snoke said, his attention turning to Kylo. "And you didn't tell her. Good."

Rey was promptly dismissed, leaving Kylo alone with the Supreme Leader.

"You will continue to keep the last piece of her heritage from her," Leader Snoke ordered him. "I have been most disappointed in you, Kylo Ren. Do not think that bringing her makes up for your other shortcomings."

"I will not fail you again, Supreme Leader."

"We shall see," Leader Snoke replied. "You will turn her to the dark side."

He was startled, and probably would have shown it if he hadn't been wearing the mask. "Me, Supreme Leader?"

"Yes. Do not disappoint me again. You are dismissed."

Kylo turned and walked out, mind churning over his fate. He was being set up for failure. It would have been one thing to take her to the Supreme Leader and have him turn her, but to turn her himself.... Leader Snoke would only keep him around until he was no longer useful. With Rey just as able to get to Skywalker and the Resistance, Kylo was no longer needed. Failing to turn her would result in unpleasantness for himself. And turning Rey to the dark side was an act that would undoubtedly complete Kylo's uselessness and lead to his death.

Somehow, he had to figure out a way to keep Rey from going dark.

She was waiting for him out in the hallway, mouth set into a determined line, but her eyes wide. Briefly, he considered getting her a mask. He wasn't the only one whose eyes showed everything. He liked looking at her face, though, and he liked the way it looked when she looked at him.

"Did he believe me?" she asked, falling into step beside him. "What is it you're not supposed to tell me?"

"You're in a very dangerous place," he told her, ignoring her second question. "You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."

"Enlighten me, then."

"I am unable to do that. I will tell you, though, that it was not me who wanted you here."

Her mouth dropped open a little. "Snoke wants me."

"Of course he does."

She shrugged. "It took him half your life to turn you, and you still struggle with the light. He won't turn me."

Her arrogance was astounding, and he scowled at her. She couldn't see it through the mask, but he was sure she could feel it. "Don't be so sure. He's going to ask you to come to him eventually, and he will search your mind. He'll see what you know and use it against you. So you'd better be a damned good liar, or we'll both be dead."

"Oh ye of little faith," she intoned, as he picked up his pace, his long legs creating distance between them. He heard her scampering after him. "You need to show me where my quarters are."

He gestured down a side hall. "Trash compacter's that way."

"Funny."

"I know."

He hadn't thought about where to keep her, but she needed to stay close to him. Staying in his own quarters was out of the question, as he couldn't imagine the gossip that that would create. Luckily for him, though, there were several smaller, empty sleeping quarters in his wing of the ship, designed for attendants of Leader Snoke and the Knights of Ren when they came aboard for longer periods of time.

In the end, he put her in the one next to his, not only to keep an eye on her, but because Hux, Phasma, and the other senior officers each had quarters farther down the hallway in the same wing, and the farther Rey was from them, the better. No doubt Hux was probably already in the throes of locking down the docking bays and placing round-the-clock monitoring on Rey's movements and motion sensors in the accessible maintenance panels in her room. And a tracking device in a belt she'd no doubt be issued shortly.

"You're not to go sneaking around the ship," he told her, after showing her to her sleeping space. "That includes panels and ducting. I'll have someone send you the necessary furnishings for your quarters."

She tipped her head back to look at him. "I'll need to know where to find you."

"My quarters are next door," he replied. "I'll have a comlink sent to you."

"Ah. So I'm not a prisoner, then?"

"No more than I am," he replied, and walked away. If she detected the irony in his statement, she didn’t say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kylo thinks he can make Snoke think he's trying to turn Rey all while finding a way to keep her in the light. Personally I think he's in over his head.
> 
> Hold onto your butts cuz things are about to get... tense.  
> ;)


	9. Friend

Rey's quarters were in what amounted to a closet next to Kylo's, a fact which she understood was so that he could keep an eye on her, but was annoying nonetheless. She could hear him shuffling about his room long after lights out, and wondered if he was practicing drills or just pacing. While he hadn't said it, she understood that his own quarters were forbidden to her and probably everyone else on the ship.

They were tracking her. She'd found the first device in the belt they'd issued her with her clothing, and two more in the soles of her boots. She considered removing them, but thought better of it, because they'd just put the next ones in harder to find spots. Only once had she tested their level of monitoring, slipping from her quarters during the night, but they'd had a trooper casually intercept her before she reached the end of the hallway. If she ever needed to escape, it would have to be well planned out.

Her days were spent, for the most part, following Kylo around the ship. For the first little while she was silent by his side as he went about his activities. There were some, like strategy meetings, that she wasn't allowed to take part in, as he was obviously under orders to keep her from any sensitive information. Though she asked him questions afterward, he was good at keeping secrets, letting nothing slip.

After awhile, this routine became dissatisfying, so she took to pestering him with personal questions, an amusement that quickly started driving him insane.

"What were you doing up for half the night?" she asked, one morning after they'd gone to fetch their rations. There'd been a lot of thumping well into the night, and she had to admit she was curious about what he did with himself after hours.

He whirled to stare at her, but she just stared blandly back at him. "None of your business," he replied testily.

"Must be top secret."

Angrily silence.

"Working out?"

More silence.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

He spun on her, striding toward her so quickly that she stepped backward, her back hitting the wall. He walked right into her personal space, looming over her in a way that probably should have had her cowering, but instead just had her biting back a laugh. She wasn't afraid of him or his attempts to intimidate her, and in fact rather liked having him so close. She looked up at him and smiled smugly.

"Stop. Talking," he hissed.

She shrugged. He turned and started walking again.

After a beat, she followed.

"So it's not a girlfriend, then."

"No!" he snapped.

The rest of the day passed mundanely, and her boredom intensified.

"I could hear you snoring last night," she quipped, three mornings later.

"Did you have your ear pressed to the wall?" he shot back.

He'd only started playing along the day before, and she found that she liked it. It made him seem more human, somehow, and she swore he was enjoying it, too. She liked this side of him a lot.

"Please," she snorted. "Half the ship could probably hear you. Do you sleep in the mask?"

"Why don't you come over and find out?"

She found herself blushing, and something fluttered in the vicinity of her stomach. She looked away when he glanced at her, pretending she was unaffected.

"Noted," she replied casually.

So of course she did go over the next night. She'd been invited, after all.

His quarters were unlocked, to her surprise, and sparsely furnished, with just the bare necessities, and they screamed privacy. It felt like walking into a creature's lair. She turned, eyes drawn to a curtained alcove near the door, but his voice called out to her before she could turn towards it.

"Not that one," he called, from the next room.

She followed his voice to another sparsely-furnished room, this one his bedchamber. It felt forbidden, but he knew she was there and hadn't told her to leave.

He was doing _Jedi_ exercises every night. There he stood on one hand, upside down, eyes closed while the few objects in the room levitated around him. It was fascinating, not because of what he was doing, but why. Was meditation as much a part of the dark side of the force as the light?

"I am immune to the light," he murmured to himself. She found herself rolling her eyes.

The objects in the air began to move downward, settling in their original spots one by one. When they were all down, a little spring and a flip had him on his feet, eyes open, looking at her. He was shirtless, and his eyes swept down her body. She looked away.

"Where are the rest of your clothes?" he asked, moving across the room to grab a small towel from inside a small cupboard built into the wall and disguised as panelling.

"There are tracking devices in my belt and boots, so I left them in my room," she replied. "Where are yours?"

The floor was cool on her socked feet, but it felt good. He turned back, wiping the sweat from his face with the towel and ignoring her question. She watched a bead slide down his chest.

She felt flustered.

He sensed it, and strode forward to close the distance between them. This time he didn't violate her personal space, but instead stood in front of her, watching her face as he wiped himself dry. From here he was just a man. An imposing, healthy, handsome man whose scarred body she tried not to look too closely at despite suddenly very badly wanting to. His skin was pale from lack of sunlight, and she thought of him back on Ach-to, how the sun had softened his features.

"Like what you see?" he asked, turning away to throw the towel down a chute on the wall.

"Maybe I do," she shot back.

"Why are you here?"

"Strategy," she said, watching him pull a loose-fitting shirt from a cabinet in the wall and put it on. She wandered across the room to one of the objects he'd levitated around him, the metallic sphere sitting on a little table. He'd kept it after taking it from her on Ach-to. Picking it up, she felt the lightness of it in her hand and then turned to find him watching her, arms crossed, face impassive.

"What is this?" she asked.

"It's a deactivated thermal detonator," he replied. "A gift from my father."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Your parents gave you a thermal detonator to play with?"

"It's just the shell, and no. I found it on the _Falcon_ as a boy and took it apart. My mother had a fit when she found out, but my father thought it was funny and gave me the casing later on." He crossed the room to her, taking it from her hand rather gently and placing it carefully back on the table. His eyes met hers, making his close proximity seem more intimate somehow. "I had it at the temple."

"I know." It wasn't her intention for the words to come out hushed, but they did anyway.

He was surprised by that, the only indication of it a slight lift of his eyebrows, but she'd learned to read the subtlety with which emotions played across his face. "It took me a long time to realize that we'd met before," he said. "It was just another lonely day at the temple. A girl in the hallway. My uncle turned you away."

"Do you know why?"

"It was no concern of mine at the time."

"And now?"

He reached out and picked up the thermal detonator again, turning it over in his hands. "I understand that you were dangerous."

He liked dangerous things. She watched his hands wander over the metal of the old sphere, another something that was once dangerous but was now rendered useless. Was that what he wanted with her? To render her useless? Fully under his control? Or was there some other reason he wanted her under his spell?

"Why do you keep it?" she asked.

Cupping it in both hands, he looked down at it. "I liked taking things apart. I was good at it. That was the last time I felt truly happy."

The impact of his words settled with an ache in her chest. He'd been a boy from a good family who loved him, and somehow he'd ended up just as lost as her, a girl abandoned alone on a desert planet with barely any memories of her family. No wonder he cherished it. If she had something that held a memory of true happiness, she'd never let it go.

"Do you ever think about what might have been?" she asked. "If Snoke hadn't corrupted you since birth. Would Luke have taken me on? Would you and I have been friends? Or...?"

She left the question hanging. She'd never used her sexuality to manipulate someone before, and her attempt felt bumbling, foolish. She couldn't come out and say _or lovers_.

He went very still for a moment, and then shrugged. "It's pointless to dwell on such things. What matters is the present."

"Why do you want me here?" she asked, voice hushed.

"Who says I do? Perhaps I'm simply following orders."

"I think you're lying to yourself."

"Am I? You're the one who is standing in my bedroom."

The statement threw her, her first reaction harsh denial... and anger. Calling upon peace again, she wondered if he was right, if this pull she felt toward him was more than just a mutual fascination. The thought was terrifying, and yet... what would he do if she reached out and touched him?

He set the detonator back on the table. "I only have one strategy, and you know what it is. Until you see that it is the only way, we have nothing to discuss."

"What? You turning me to the dark side?"

Much to her satisfaction, he appeared startled.

"Did you think I wouldn't listen at the door after he sent me out? Well you're wrong. On both counts."

"We'll see."

She changed the subject. "And what is your plan? You take down Snoke and then what? Take his place?"

His angry silence told her that she'd guessed correctly.

"Regardless," she continued, after a moment, "we ultimately have the same goal. Whatever happens afterward is of little concern at the moment. We will part ways when our goals no longer align, I will promise you that."

"And what happened to taking me home?"

"It's not my job to save you, Kylo Ren."

"I'm glad you think so. Yet another thing we can agree upon."

"My concern for you stems from your mother, who misses you."

He immediately changed the subject. "You can't pretend to be dark," he said. "If that's what your strategy is, you can forget it."

"We'll see about that."

"Your ignorance will be your undoing. He'll see right through you, and then he'll kill you."

"If you really think he'll kill me, you'd never have agreed to this," she shot back. "If you wanted me dead, it would have been done already. You've had countless opportunities. You killed one of your own men for me."

"There were circumstances that you don't understand."

"Which you won't enlighten me about. I think you're just covering up the very basic fact that you like me and you hate it."

"I assure you," he replied coolly, "that any interest you perceive me to have in you is purely scientific."

She nodded, then turned and strode toward the door. Before she exited, though, she turned back to him, meeting his gaze.

"You're a liar, Kylo Ren," she said softly. "I still see you."

And then she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or is it getting a little warm in here? (I'm resisting the urge to put a link to shitty music here -I'll spare you) This was one of my favourite chapters to write, both for the camaraderie they've struck up and the intimacy of their conversation in his bedroom. HIS BEDROOM. We are slowly creepin' up on that M rating. ;)
> 
> And this might be nitpicky, but Rey is smart so should probably recognize a thermal detonator, but I think that the good stuff like explosives would have been picked from the wreckage on Jakku long before she got there, and the one here is just the outer shell with everything else removed, so just looks like a metallic sphere. So it's not unreasonable that she wouldn't recognize it.


	10. Student

Pretending that he wanted to turn Rey to the dark side while trying to keep her grounded in the light side of the force while simultaneously pretending to Leader Snoke that he was trying his hardest to do the opposite was, in a word, exhausting. Kylo found that Rey unintentionally helped him, though, first with her needling him with personal questions that she found so amusing, and then with his participation in her game, which she found even more amusing.

And then there was the other thing. The attraction thing.

By this time, he was almost sure that it was mutual, which was a huge problem because it threatened to pull him back to the light with her, which was the complete opposite of what he wanted. But still... every time he made her smile, every time he played along with her dumb game and elicited a laugh, a wave of pleasure would run through him, a sensation that he promptly turned over and locked away.

Unfortunately, when he was asleep, his brain had no intention of keeping those feelings in their prison. More than once, despite the coolness of his quarters, he'd woken in a sweat, body throbbing with need, mind full of Rey. A part of him was disgusted by his lack of self-control, by the quiet ruination of his training that resulted in having to satisfy the physical consequence of his fantasies, something he had long since ceased needing to do.

The other part of him, however... the other part of him _loved_ being ruined by her.

She came back to his quarters nightly to train with him, and sometimes just to meditate. He'd even gone down to the training centre to procure two sticks for practicing fighting, as using their actual lightsabers in his quarters was too risky given the small space. To his surprise, he found that she wielded her weapon much better as a staff. It was too bad that he didn't have a double-bladed lightsaber at hand. She would have been lethal with it.

Other times they practiced with the force itself. Tonight was one such occasion, him freezing her with the force like he'd done in the forest on Takodana, and her trying to break free.

"Do it," he ordered, holding her in stasis. He'd started out with a loose hold on her, which she'd easily broken free from, and had gradually increased the power of his stasis until she couldn't anymore. He was nearly using his full powers on her now, and she was struggling.

Her teeth were clenched, eyes squeezed shut, breathing coming quicker. Then suddenly all of that stopped, and her mouth dropped open a little, her face went peaceful, her breathing slowed. She threw off his stasis almost easily, like tossing an article of clothing from her shoulders. He had exactly two seconds to be proud of her before she whipped around, snatched up the training sticks, and came at him after tossing him one.

"You're pushing me toward the dark side," she said, their sticks clashing against each other with a loud _crack_. "I can feel it."

"No," he replied, blocking another blow. She was desperate, her moves sloppy. "That's all you."

She came at him again with a yell, her stick cracking against his so hard that it broke clean in half, the reverberations moving up his arms. She threw both halves away and stepped toward him, but a second later he had her pinned to the wall, this time using everything in his power. Panting, she looked at him with something like desperation in her eyes, then abruptly closed them. Her breathing slowed; her face relaxed. Tossing his stick aside carelessly, he watched with interest. She was glorious as she called upon the light.

She opened her eyes again.

She was pinned to the wall by his force, and she was allowing him to do so for reasons he didn't understand, for they both knew she could have pushed it off if she really wanted to, but she wasn't fighting it this time. He approached her slowly, cautiously, stopping inside her personal space. It was too close, but like a moon trapped in the pull of her gravity, he was helpless to move away.

He didn't want to move away.

Silently, he withdrew the stasis on her, but she didn't move. The vibrations running through him were heady, the tightness in his chest and abdomen and flutter beneath his ribs demanding to be addressed. There they were again, the words _attraction_ and _desire_ drifting up from the place in his mind that he fought in the day and loosed like a beast in the night. Connecting with them made him feel human, which in turn transformed into a pull to the light. Just this once, perhaps if he gave into it, if he released it from his body and mind, then it would go away. It _had_ to go away.

Warily she eyed him, her eyes widening a little as he tipped his head downward, hesitating. Her breathing had sped up, and he watched her tongue dart out to wet her lips, then disappear again. His force was no longer holding her there, but he noted that she still hadn't moved. Her eyes darted downward, from his eyes to his lips to his throat, and back up again, and he sensed... nervousness? Anticipation, he decided. That was it.

She was intoxicating.

He'd never done this before, not like this, and the coil beneath his ribs tightened with his own nervousness, which he quickly shoved aside and locked away in his mind. That was an emotion that he had long since gained control over.

She tipped her head up, ever so slightly. Her eyes moved to his lips again as he inclined his head further, pausing, hesitating again, before closing the gap. A shuddering breath escaped her as their lips met, each tentative at first but quickly settling into a leisurely movement that for him became less of a pull to the light and more of a headlong plunge into it.

Bracing himself with a hand on the wall beside her head, he leaned into her, and she reached up and wrapped her fingers around his arm, her touch warm on his wrist. The flood of emotions, of sensations moving through him, became a river, and he felt more alive than he'd ever felt, less a creature of darkness and more a man kissing a woman.

Her tongue dipped between his lips, tentatively, and the flood within him turned to fire as he reciprocated the gesture, eliciting a breathy moan from her that sent a surge of delight through him. His entire body was on fire, everything standing on end like electricity had moved through him, and he wanted more and more.... A hand moved to tangle in his hair, and something cold slid down his spine, a stone dropping in his mind, a single thought piercing through the haze of lust:

_You fucked up_.

Breaking off the kiss, he pushed himself away, unable to meet her gaze anymore, gesturing wildly in the general direction of the door.

"Go," he said. "Just go."

He could sense her confusion, hear her heavy breathing, but she went without a word. He knew he'd messed up. He'd messed up badly. All the years of training his emotions, destroyed in a few moments of want. At his call, his lightsaber flew into his hand, but surprisingly, the uncontrollable anger and frustration didn't come. Instead he felt empty.

It wouldn't do.

Setting the lightsaber aside again, he strode into the next room, to the alcove there, his grandfather's mask seeming to scream disapproval at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Whohoo, kiss!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARZDfcVOwno)
> 
> Poor Kylo is becoming all unravelled. What's a guy to do?


	11. Dynasty

Rey slumped back against the wall just inside the door to her quarters, heart racing, lips still tingling from the kiss. Making a fist, she thumped the wall, angry at herself for what had happened, for liking it and wanting it and wanting more.

Straightening, she strode into the room, collapsing on the bed, frowning at the ceiling. She could not just... go around kissing Kylo Ren.

For fuck sakes.

It was one of those moments in life where she desperately needed a mother. Or an older sister. Or anyone, really. Her experience with the opposite sex had been limited to an unwanted kiss from the son of one of Plutt's buyers when she was thirteen. She'd levelled him with her staff afterward, leaving him bleeding in the dirt of Niima Outpost, costing Plutt a deal and herself a day's ration. Never in her life had she experienced such a draw to someone as she did to Kylo Ren.

She tried to imagine talking to Master Luke about her feelings and failed. Imaging the General was worse. _So I made out with your son and I'm kind of confused_. Leia would probably be delighted if it meant that her son was being drawn back to the light. Or perhaps concerned, because one should really not go around making out with dark side users who wore masks and went around talking to their dead Sith Lord grandfather.

"It's completely inappropriate," she said aloud, just to scold herself.

The problem was, her attraction to him pulled her toward the light, and she was struggling with the pull of the dark side. It called to her, and the smart thing to do would have been to leave immediately, but wasn't this a part of becoming a Jedi? Resisting the dark side? And if Kylo Ren could keep the darkness away, why not let him?

There was a rap at the door, and she sat up, heart pounding.

"You may enter," she called, springing to her feet, because there was only one person it could be, and sitting on her bed when he entered was going to do nothing for her self-control.

Kylo Ren might as well have been wearing a mask for all the emotion his face showed. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

"The Supreme Leader has summoned us," he said.

"Now?" she asked. While there really wasn't any night or day on the ship, they were supposed to be in their sleep cycle. Being summoned now meant nothing good, especially if she was included.

"Yes."

Nodding, she followed him out. Neither brought up the kiss as they walked to the audience chamber, and she struggled to gain control of her thoughts. Snoke, if he found out about it, would use it against them, and she dreaded the fallout from such a thing. For the first time since her arrival, her confidence wavered, the task before her seeming suddenly impossible.

"Shoulders back," Kylo murmured, as they reached the door.

She nodded, and the door swished aside, revealing the waiting hologram in the dark chamber.

"My two apprentices," Snoke said, as they approached. "One missing his mask and gloves and the other her shoes and belt."

At least she wasn't the only one completely messed up from the kiss. She found it very satisfying that she could mess him up that badly.

"Apologies, Supreme Leader," Kylo said. "What is your bidding?"

"It is time." Snoke's gaze moved to Rey, and she felt the intensity of it even though it was just a hologram. Calling upon peace, she willed herself not to wither beneath it, to meet it with her own conviction. He seemed to find that amusing.

"Skywalker refused to train you because you were dangerous," Snoke said. "He never told you why, did he?"

"No," she found herself saying. "Not exactly. I assure you, nothing you say can make me turn to the dark side. Do your worst."

Beside her, Kylo was strangely silent. Too silent. He was refusing to look at her, his expression closed. She turned back to Snoke, daring him to speak.

"Do you not find it strange that a man who secured rule of the galaxy would not also secure a line of succession?"

His words and their implication slammed into her, and her first instinct was confusion, and denial.

"Of course he did," Snoke went on. "Your father was right to hide you from me, Kira Palpatine."

It took a moment, a long, horrifying moment for the name and its implications sink into her mind. When it did, she didn't believe him. It was a manipulation. A lie. But... he knew her name. Kira. He knew the secret she'd been told, over and over again, never to tell. Classified. Secret. Rey.

And Palpatine... she had no memory of that name, but she knew what it meant.

It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. But it explained everything. Luke keeping secrets from her. His refusal to train her as a child, and his disapproval of her showing up on his island with the lightsaber. He hadn't wanted to train her then, either, and why would he? Why would he ever train the force-sensitive descendant of the man who had obliterated the Jedi, democracy, and his own parents?

If anything, she was shocked that Luke hadn't thrown her off his island and have done with it. It was what he should have done, because here she was, in the hands of another dark lord with her family's legacy breathing down her neck, and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to turn against it. Missing her family, wanting them and dreaming about belonging to someone was what she'd always wanted. And now all of that was here before her, cloaked in darkness.

"You lie," she said weakly.

The cheeks of the grotesque face pulled back to reveal a twisted smile. "Kira Palpatine, daughter of Cati Palpatine and one of the knights sworn to protect her. You are the blood of the Emperor, and you have much potential. I'm so glad you're not dead after all."

She recalled the memory of her mother from Kylo's mind, of the crazed evil with which she'd killed Rey's father. Was that Rey's destiny? To be corrupted, to be twisted? And the Emperor... she'd heard enough about his exploits to know what he could do with the force, and she didn't want any part of that.

"I won't be turned," she said, though the words sounded hopeless even to her own ears.

"Your mother was a disappointing apprentice," Snoke continued. "I expected more discipline of a Palpatine. She was too volatile, too emotional. You, on the other hand, are very much like Kylo. Not nearly as powerful or as perfect a balance of light and dark, but very near so. His compassion for you weakens him but strengthens you. You feel the dark side calling to you. It is your destiny and legacy."

"No it isn't."

Snoke went on as if he hadn't heard her. "The Knights of Ren are yours. There's no use in pretending you're not flattered. He serves you. He killed for you. Give him an order. Make him bow before you."

Rey turned to Kylo, whose expression gave no hint as to his thoughts. His eyes, however, issued the most subtle of challenges, and she immediately understood that he wanted her to do it. While her first instinct was to tell Snoke where to shove it, she knew that if she were to carry out her mission to kill him, she'd have to gain his trust to a point. And that meant following his teachings.

Calling upon peace, she met Kylo's eyes. "Kneel, Knight of Ren," she said, her voice commanding, echoing through the cavernous chamber.

In one fluid movement, Kylo Ren dropped to one knee before her, and she wasn't prepared for the surge of power and satisfaction that raced through her. He looked up at her with silent approval, and she wondered if he'd enjoyed the obedience as much as she'd enjoyed giving the command.

"Very good," Snoke said. "You are dismissed. For now."

Once they were out of the audience chamber, everything came crashing down in Rey's mind. She started running, a hand slapped over her mouth to stifle the sobs that emerged along with tears from her eyes. She collapsed halfway back to her quarters, clutching at the wall with one hand as if it could hold her up.

All this time, and Kylo Ren had never been the monster. The monster was her.

The evil was inside her, in her blood, in her genetic makeup, and she couldn't escape it. The dark side was pulling so strongly at her now because it knew exactly what she was and what she could be, if she let it. And she couldn't let it, but resisting it was hard, and she wanted to run away, to go home, but she had no home and who in the Resistance would ever look at her the same way again, once they knew?

Hands grasped her wrists, pulling her to her feet. She expected to be led back to her quarters, but to her shock, Kylo pulled her against his chest instead, enveloping her in an embrace that had the light side of the force singing through her. She pressed her face into his chest, breathing in the scent of him. There was tension in his body, but she felt him relaxing, or trying to anyway.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I should have told you."

"You were following orders," she replied, voice muffled by his robes. "I'd have been happy never knowing."

He offered her a piece of his cowl to dry her eyes with, and she took it with a half-sob, half-laugh. Two stormtroopers appeared at the end of the hallway, obviously on night rounds, and abruptly stopped in their tracks when they saw Rey and Kylo, then quickly turned around and left. Kylo frowned after them, the tension in his body returning.

"Let's go," he said, reaching back and pulling on his hood, and in doing so, letting her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Rey Palpatine. Honestly I hope this happens in canon because it would add to Rey's parallels with Kylo Ren, and I can also see the Knights of Ren belonging to royalty and protecting a sort of King/Queen/EMPRESS? (in this case the Palpatines who obviously can't go around calling themselves by their last name, which is among the reasons why Rey only knew her first name). This would tie Kylo and Rey together nicely too, because if Reylo is going to happen, they're going to need a bigger entanglement than just a rivalry.
> 
> And yes, you can assume that Snoke sensed the light side in Kylo after the kiss (or Kylo told Vader's mask... oh god) and immediately sought to put a stop to those shenanigans and play his ace. Let's see if he was successful, shall we? ;)


	12. Knight

She followed him right back into his quarters, like she had a right to be there. Of course he'd probably given that impression when he'd embraced her in the hallway, a stupid gesture that would no doubt be all over the ship by morning. As would Rey's identity, if Leader Snoke had anything to do with it.

Everything was falling into place, and he hated it. He hated his lack of control over the situation. Now she was the Supreme Leader's new pet, just like that, a place that was rightly his and his alone. The rational part of his mind told him that this was a good thing, that two apprentices had a better chance of killing him than just one, but he couldn't help the jealousy.

And it wasn't just jealousy. He'd failed time and time again, and if he stepped out of line again, if his feelings couldn't be controlled, the Supreme Leader would kill him. He knew this. Rey could do all the same things that made him valuable: terminate the Resistance and Luke Skywalker. He couldn't allow it.

"I'd like to be alone," he said, turning on her when the door slid shut. His voice was calmer than he felt.

She hesitated, then stepped toward him. Her eyes were still red from the tears, but she seemed to have collected herself. "We need to talk about this. How long have you known?"

"I suspected it on Starkiller Base," he said. "It wasn't until I saw the detonator that I knew for certain. You never would have brought it back with you unless you were the girl from the temple."

"And you knew that the girl from the temple was Kira Palpatine?"

"Not back then. I only knew that when I mistakenly shared that memory with your mother."

"Why mistakenly?"

"I told you that she did a terrible thing."

It was the only secret that he was still keeping from her, and he was sure that she'd find it horrifying. She crossed her arms, looking at him, shivering a little, and he could see the conflict there, the desire to know and to never know, but he could also see her mind working over his words, connecting the pieces together, and finally understanding.

"I slept in the ashes of the dead at the temple because I wanted to stay in the place where my father had once walked," she said quietly, eyes sad. "And all that time, they had both walked there, hadn't they?"

"Rey."

She shook her head. "Such evil. Is that really my legacy?"

She moved closer to him, her body language confident, though he could sense the turmoil in her mind. "That's why you left me on Ach-to. You knew then that you couldn't kill the last Palpatine because you had unwittingly sworn to serve me, and you didn't take me because you knew this would happen. That I would take your place."

Anger flared inside him, too hot to quench. "You're not going to-"

"Why do you have that mask?"

The change of subject caught him off guard, and he found himself fumbling for words. "To hide my identity, and intimidation-"

"Not that one," she interrupted. She tipped her head toward the door and the curtained room where Darth Vader's mask lay. "That one."

The anger came again. He'd told her to stay out of there and she'd violated his privacy, his sanctum, the place that held his deepest thoughts and secrets. "I told you to stay out of there."

"I peeked through the curtain a few days ago," she said. "I'm sorry. It was wrong of me. I just... why do you have it?"

"It's personal."

"I know whose mask it is."

"Good for you." He turned away. He couldn't talk about it while looking at her. "You would have seen the force ghosts while training with Luke."

"Yes," she said softly. "Only twice, though. Master Yoda. Obi-Wan."

"Exactly. They only appeared once to me because I told them to go away. I told you that I hate the Jedi. I also told you that my grandfather was like me. I know this because he appeared to me on several occasions. He was the only person who ever truly understood me, only he no longer appeared after I turned to the dark side."

"It's your way of connecting to him, then."

"You think it's twisted." He turned and met her eyes, stepping toward her. "You're worried you'll become like me because of who you are."

"I'm frightened. I'm trying to understand the dark side because that's where I came from."

"Rey, you could never become a creature in a mask."

Her eyes turned sad. "I don't think you're a creature in a mask."

"No? Then what am I?"

"You're like me. You're lost."

She knew too much. She made him feel too much. "You should leave," he said, the words coming out halfhearted. She didn't move, her eyes searching his face for answers he couldn't give.

"Kiss me again."

Her body language was still confident, but her eyes showed vulnerability, confusion, and... shame? He wanted to disobey her, to order her from the room and keep her as far away from him as possible. Their mistake earlier had already sent chaos through him, the light singing to him so loudly that he barely had a hold on the darkness. It was worse than when he'd seen his father, because this time, being torn apart felt good. Too good.

Her chin lifted a little. "Kylo Ren, I order you to kiss me again."

Annoyed, he stepped toward her, closing the space between them. Fists clenched at his side, he bent and placed a restrained, close-mouthed kiss on her lips, quick and unaffected.

She grabbed him by the hair, more aggressively then he'd thought she was capable of, and pulled her back to him, opening her mouth beneath his, forcing her tongue between his lips, and just like that, he gave in. It was so easy to lose control.

She had to have done this before, he thought, his lips and tongue once again feeling clumsy against hers. Perhaps she'd kissed FN-2187. The thought sent a spark of jealousy through him, and he reached out to grip the back of her neck, to deepen the kiss, but instead was distracted by the warmth of her skin beneath his fingers. Her own hands were gripping his hair.

A throaty moan escaped her as he put both hands on her, exploring the curves of her body. Never having touched a woman like this before, he found her incredibly alluring, and found himself sliding his hands wherever he could, taking in the feel of her. She shuddered a little when he touched the curve of her waist, gasped as he smoothed his hands over her collarbones and up around her neck. He traced the length of her back, dipping to grip her behind, kneading his hands into the soft flesh as he pulled her closer against him.

She broke the kiss briefly, then, only to mutter, "Don't stop."

So he didn't. He ran his hands up her back again, slower this time, wondering how much better this would all be if they weren't wearing clothes but not daring to take it there. Instead he moved his hands around to her waist and slid them beneath her shirt, the heat of her skin lovely against his palms. Moving them upward, he found her breasts fit perfectly in his palms. She broke the kiss to let out a pant as he skimmed his thumbs over her nipples, and then took his bottom lip between her teeth like a savage and _sucked_.

Then she sprang back. His hands fell, and he was suddenly very glad that he was wearing robes, though the divide in the front was just barely concealing the effects of their activities.

She was panting, dishevelled, eyes on fire.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," she said, sounding flustered, and it was so awfully opposite of what he'd expected that he almost laughed. He hadn't laughed in years, and he wished she'd stop making him feel things like that. Two kisses had unravelled years of training, and if the light hadn't been pulling at him so forcefully, he'd have been outraged, both with himself and with her.

She stared at him for a moment longer, then turned and ran out.

He turned and punched the wall, the pain pushing the light side away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I think you all know where this is going. As soon as I type the word nipples, all bets are off. We goin' there. Hang tight


	13. Lovers

Rey couldn't sleep that night, and she couldn't stay away from Kylo. In the dead of night, she gave up, gave in, and padded back to his quarters. She needed the light he could bring her. She needed more.

The truth was, her power over him, over everything, was like a song written just for her, something musical that seeped deep into her body. She liked the power. She liked it a lot, and it frightened her. The fright turned to worry that she was unknowingly going down a path to the dark side, which in turn made the darkness beckon all the more.

And touching Kylo, even briefly, made it go away.

He lay on his back, one arm thrown over his face, breathing steadily. Thinking she was being sneaky, she crept over and climbed onto the bed, only discovering when he moved his arm to look at her that he'd known she was there the whole time. She met his eyes in the dark, and without breaking his gaze, climbed over him to settle on her knees beside him. Her eyes roved over his body, which was covered to his chest by a sheet. The blanket was kicked down to the end of the bed.

"Are you not cold?" she asked, the atmosphere seeming to call for hushed voices. She was certainly cold in her thin bedclothes.

She thought she saw a flash of a smile cross his face. "Not anymore," he replied, reaching out to tug the hem of her shirt, to pull her down to his lips. She braced herself with her hands on either side of his head, her hair falling around them as she lost herself in the now-familiar lips. One of his hands had moved to her waist, but unlike earlier, he seemed in no hurry to move it elsewhere, his thumb gently running back and forth as it rested there. His languidness was opposite of what she was feeling, the laziness of his touch making her want to scream at him. Appalled that he wasn't as wound up from earlier as she was, she broke the kiss and sat up, grabbing his hand and guiding it to where she was aching the most.

His breath caught as she pressed his hand between her legs; their eyes met in the darkness again. Now his slowness, his hesitancy, was welcome as nervousness returned to her. With her hand still on his, she pressed it against her, only letting go when he began to move it on his own.

"Have you ever-" She swallowed as he pressed harder, further up. "-done this before?"

"No," he said.

"Me neither, but that's-"

Whatever he was doing, it felt good, but the fabric of her pants was getting in the way. She reached down and hooked her thumbs into her waistband, pulling them down to mid-thigh. His hand withdrew, hesitated, then moved back, only her underwear in the way now as he rubbed back and forth, his fingers flitting and exploring, his palm sometimes hitting a spot farther up that sent waves of pleasure through her.

"There," she murmured, grabbing his hand again, moving it back to the spot that felt so good. She was outraged when he pulled his hand away, then nervous all over again as he pulled her underwear down with one impatient hand. She felt open, exposed, and closed her eyes as he explored her, skimming and touching and circling until he found the spot that made her gasp.

"Like that?" he murmured, watching her face. "There?"

She nodded, head tipped back, mouth falling open as he skimmed his fingers over her.

"More," she gasped, as his skimming turned to strokes. The sensations building in her body were unfamiliar but intoxicating, the tension building within her and pooling, delicious, beneath his fingers. It built to a crescendo, her body quivering, then shaking as the tension broke in a surge of pleasure that had her gasping, crying out.

The hand slowed. Withdrew. She opened her eyes, falling forward onto her hands. His eyes were blazing with satisfaction. Leaning down, she kissed him again. He reached up to cup the back of her neck, to tangle his fingers in her hair. She couldn't get enough of being touched. Not now, maybe not ever, if it kept the dark side at bay.

"Your turn," she murmured, pulling away from his lips and then jerking back the sheet a little too forcefully.

She'd never thought him the type to sleep naked, as covered as he was in the daytime. The black clothing was a way of hiding, she now knew, and he was hiding... quite a bit.

"Oh, that's... very intimidating."

Again, she thought she saw a hint of a smile cross his face. It turned to a grimace as she reached out to trace a finger down the length of him. Nervously she withdrew, but his hand flew up to snatch hers by the wrist, his grip hard at first and then turning gentle as he guided her hand back. Encouraged, she repeated the same action as before, this time eliciting the barest of gasps. Again she repeated it, this time with her palm, and then finally taking him fully in hand, an action that had his hips rising off the bed and his hands clenching the sheets.

"Stop," he breathed, sitting up.

"Is that not okay?" she asked, withdrawing her hand.

"More than okay. I just don't want this to be over yet. I want to feel you."

Reaching out, his hands went to the hem of her shirt, and she raised her arms over her head so that he could pull it off. She quickly wiggled out of her pants and underwear. Naked, she felt exposed, vulnerable, but resisted the urge to cover herself as his eyes moved over her. She'd never thought herself much to look at, her body muscular and too thin from a life of hardship, her breasts small and unremarkable. As if sensing her insecurity, though, he reached out and drew her forward, his hands skimming up her body as if she were a deity he was worshipping.

She kissed him then, pulling him down as she lay back on the bed, skin against skin as he settled over her, nothing but air and light between them. Holding his weight off her with one elbow, he used his other hand to explore her body, to caress her neck and breasts, to glide down her stomach and over her hip, to dip between her legs and touch her again until she was moaning against his lips.

He broke the kiss, resting his forehead against hers, his breath coming heavily. Her hand was on his back, she could feel the tension in his muscles, quivering with want and need. Her own body felt much the same, though the shaking was as much nervousness as desire. Shifting below him, she moved her legs apart, leaving him no choice but to settle between them. He pulled back a little to look at her, a hand reaching up to cup her cheek. His eyes were dark, his face full of wonder and desire and... she didn't want to say love, but she swore it was there, too.

"One of us needs to fetch some contraceptives from the medical bay before this goes further," he said, the words coming out in a rush.

"Oh. I've got-" She waved a hand vaguely at her left arm. "So I didn't have to deal with being a woman while roughing it. Your mother's idea. It stops, um, everything."

He let out a breath that was almost a laugh, then leaned down to kiss her again, gently, and she moved her legs farther apart, shaking a little with nervousness, at the feeling of exposure. He settled between them, the hardness of his length pressing against her stomach as she drew her knees farther up, giving him more access.

It was easier, in the dead of the false night, to pretend that they were simply a man and a woman. In the dark with their hands tracing the planes and curves of each other's bodies, they were no longer on two sides of a war, no longer enemies with a chasm between them. They were lovers instead, man and woman under the cover of night, the most basic of equals in the universe.

Pulling back from her lips, he looked down at her, eyes dark, intense.

"We don't have to do this," he said, his voice giving away how much he wanted to do it.

"I want to," she replied, surprising herself with how much she did want it.

He nodded, then shifted himself lower, reaching down to guide himself to her entrance, then briefly cupping her cheek with one hand as he began to push into her. To her it seemed unbelievable that he would fit, but her body gave way, stretching to accommodate him. The tip of him was just inside when the stretching gave way to pressure, and then pain as he prodded further. At her hiss, he stopped, body shaking against hers.

"Don't stop," she whispered, clenching her eyes shut against the pain as he pushed further.

And then the pain lanced once more and gave way, fading to a sting as he seated himself completely within her. He felt huge, but her body stretched to accommodate him easily, and she was overcome with the feeling of being complete somehow. Wiggling her hips made Kylo suck in his breath, and gasping, he pressed his head to her shoulder, mouth opening to bite her there, gently, an action that sent a wave of pleasure through her.

"Kylo," she panted, clutching at his arms, nails digging into his skin.

"Sorry," he breathed.

"No. Do it again."

Instead he swore, his body shaking as he pulled his hips back and then forward again, moving out and back in, the next thrust a little less controlled. His body broke into a sweat on the next one, and she felt a surge of satisfaction at this newly-discovered power to reduce a Dark Jedi into a quivering, sweating mess. Again, and then harder the final time, the shaking turning to a shudder as he groaned and collapsed upon her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck, panting.

"Sorry," he muttered, sliding out of her, a wetness following him.

Moving off of her, he rolled onto his back next to her, flinging an arm over his face, his other hand curled into a fist. She understood what had happened, and although it wasn't how she'd imagined things going, she accepted it. Rolling onto her side, she curled her body against his, resting her head on his chest. She felt his embarrassment, his anger at himself, but he wrapped an arm around her anyway, pulling her close. She listened to his heartbeat slowing and decided she liked the sound.

"Are you hurt?" he asked, lifting his arm to look at her.

"Only a little," she replied.

Silence fell between them. His heartbeat slowed and his breathing steadied, and she thought he was asleep when he spoke again.

"Stay with me."

"Okay," she replied, voice hushed, and then found the sheet and blanket and pulled it over them both.

At the end of the sleep cycle, the lights in the room gradually brightened, a poor imitation of a sunrise. She woke before him, curled next to him. Stretching, she winced against the ache between her legs, then propped herself up on an elbow to study him, to watch his chest rise and fall steadily with sleep.

She hadn't noticed the scars last night in the dark. Some of them she knew she'd given him, like the healed-over burn on his shoulder. It was knotted and rough, poorly healed for someone with access to good medical facilities. She wondered if he'd kept it that way as a reminder. Worse was the massive scar on his side where Chewie's bowcaster had hit him. She remembered the sickening way he'd pounded it with his fist on Starkiller Base, the blood staining the snow. It was a wonder he hadn't bled out completely, for it looked vicious and deep, and most definitely life-threatening.

Reaching out, she touched it with a finger, tracing the scar's outline. He woke with a shiver.

Before he could speak, she leaned over and kissed him, and he didn't fight it. This time he simply gave in, kissing her back leisurely, then wrapping an arm around her and pulling her onto his chest. It felt right to swing a leg over and straddle him, allowing herself more freedom of movement and his hands more access to her. He immediately began touching her, breaking their kiss so that his eyes followed his hands as he ran them up her body, cupping her breasts and lightly kneading them. Some shifting, and he put his mouth on them, tongue flicking over one hardened nipple, and then the other. Yet another sensation that she liked.

"Such power," he murmured, kissing his way from one breast to the other. "I could stay in this bed forever as your slave and die happy."

"Can you feel it?" she asked. "The pull to the light?"

"Yes, but there is only this... and this..."

Her breasts felt swollen, her nipples pink and erect by the time she pulled back, shifting back, rolling her hips to glide her wet slit down the length of his shaft. He moaned and tipped his head back, watching her through hooded eyes as she both teased him and pleasured herself. Each time she slid back, she teased the tip of him at her entrance, tormenting him with just the tip sinking in, and then pulling back again. With a hiss escaping through clenched teeth, he began lifting his hips, trying to get further inside her. She considered making him beg, but in the end sank down onto him, letting him fill her to the brim. There was no pain this time, only tenderness from the night before.

"It feels really good this way," she murmured. His only response was a groan as she began to move.

She rolled her hips one way, and then another, until finally finding a rocking rhythm that felt best. His hands moved to her hips, guiding her movements, to a pace that satisfied him as well as her. Throwing her head back, she closed her eyes, losing herself in the building sensations, still so new but so addicting.

His hand moved, touching her between the legs, stroking the hard nub that had felt so good the night before, the pleasure even greater with him inside her. Her eyes flew open, meeting his, so dark and now glittering with satisfaction as he watched her begin to come undone. Riding him harder, she watched the satisfaction change to a plea for mercy, and she grinned, baring her teeth. Reaching up, he stuck a thumb in her mouth and she seized it between her teeth, then sucked on it. He cursed under his breath, then threw his head back as her climax shuddered through her, causing her to cry out and then fall forward onto his chest, panting.

She was still shuddering when he rolled her beneath him, sliding back in with one slick, slow thrust and quickly picking up the pace. She wrapped her legs around him as he fucked her harder, faster, out of control as he sought his own pleasure. To her surprise, she felt a second climax coming on, and once again cried out as it washed over her, her own shouts mixed with his as he followed her over the edge, slamming into her a final time before collapsing, panting and shaking and sweaty, onto her.

They both lay there for a few moments, breathing heavily.

"That was-" she said, catching herself before she finished with _a big improvement_.

"Mm. I've always been a good pupil," he murmured, propping himself up on his elbows and looking down at her with an intensity that was almost frightening.

She grabbed him down for a long kiss, then lay cupping his face in her hands, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks.

"I can feel the light in you," she said.

His expression shifted, darkened a little.

"I told you it wasn't your job to save me," he said.

"I wasn't trying to save you," she replied. The pull of the dark side had been temporarily abated by his touch, but was quickly coming back. "I was trying to save me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT AHOYYYY! Not gonna lie, I put it up early because I was so excited about it. The reason the last few chapters were shorter was because this one ended up being pretty long. I can't believe I wrote almost 3000 words of smut, but I'm actually kinda proud? I mean I use these fics to practice and I feel like this turned out really good. 
> 
> [TIME TO CELEBRATE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5N6dupJ2Ko)
> 
> (I have shitty music taste, sorry lmao but the song was perfect)
> 
> PS) I very badly wanted to write a hilarious scene where Kylo sneaks down to the medical bay to get contraceptives and gets caught by someone who can't be mind-tricked, but it would have ruined the mood. (Hi I'm Chandler and I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable... HAHA)


	14. Coruscant

"Where have you been?"

Kylo was not in the mood for Hux's nonsense, and promptly ignored the little garbage worm, hoping he'd go away. But Hux obnoxiously followed him down the hallway, somehow keeping up with Kylo's deliberately fast pace, even going so far as to look casual about it.

"The Supreme Leader has demanded to know why you haven't answered his summons," Hux said. "Feeling a little conflicted, are we? You forget that I have her on watch, and there was a very interesting report this morning that said she spent the night in your quarters-"

Enraged, Kylo turned on the man, doing something he never did. Hux's eyes bulged out in disbelief as Kylo choked him, his hands clawing at a hand he could feel but not touch. It was enormously satisfying to see.

"I trust that we won't have this problem with you staying out of my business again," Kylo said, and released the man just as his face was turning purple. Hux doubled over, gasping, as Kylo strode away.

"You'll pay for that!" Hux rasped after him.

Kylo turned a corner, deciding that he didn't give a Bantha's ass about what Hux was going to do or what he thought. He went straight to Rey's quarters and rapped on the door. They'd parted that morning to wash and eat, but he already missed her presence. Not that he'd ever say that aloud.

The door slid open to reveal her in fresh clothes, cheerful expression faltering slightly when she saw the mask. She didn't like the mask, he could tell, and neither did he, but it was necessary to wear throughout the ship. He jerked his head toward the hall. "The shuttle's ready."

"Excellent. Let me get my boots."

They headed toward the docking bay where his shuttle was located, passing Hux on the way, who stiffened and stared at Kylo in narrow-eyed outrage. Kylo stared back for a moment, letting the mask do the intimidating for him, and then ignored the man completely. Let Hux go and whine to the Supreme Leader. There was so much that was unfixable about Kylo's situation now that he didn't care anymore. Not right now, anyway.

"What was that about?" Rey asked.

"Nothing. This way."

"No, really," she said, hurrying to keep up with his long strides. "What is it?'

"Leader Snoke," he replied tersely. "I cannot see him right now. Not like this."

The pull to the light was stronger than ever, and while he knew that he should have been annoyed about it, he couldn't bring himself to care. That was something he knew he'd probably regret in the future, and would take significant time to undo, but right now he had no desire to do it. Later maybe, but not now. Right now, he and Rey had plans, and he fully intended to carry them out.

"Like what?" she asked. He didn't reply, but of course she quickly figured it out. "The light side. It's pulling you."

"It's merely a chemical reaction from last night's activities," he replied unconvincingly. "It will fade."

"Not if we do it again tonight."

Her words sent a rush of heat straight down to his groin, images of their activities flashing through his brain. Halfheartedly, he shoved them away, then pulled up, grasping her arm and leaning down close to her face. "You cannot... _fuck_ me back to the light, Rey."

"You think that was just for you?" she hissed. "It was for me, too. I'm not trying to save you. If you want to be saved, save yourself!"

"Let's not talk about this," he replied, dropping her arm. "I'll figure it out. I'll fix it."

"Go ahead!" she shot back. He walked away, and after a moment, she followed. "Where are we going?"

"To the surface," he replied, leading her into the hangar where his shuttle was waiting.

Inside the cockpit, he paused to take off his helmet and throw it aside, and was about to sit in the pilot's seat when he caught her hungrily eyeing the controls. Stepping aside, he gestured for her to take the seat instead, watching her eyes light up. Her happiness sent a wave of pleasure through him in turn, and he didn't bother to shove it away.

"An Upsilon-Class command shuttle," she said, happily flicking switches and turning controls. "I've always wanted to fly something like this. I never flew a simulation of this class, but I did fly a simulation of the Lambda class, and they're quite similar, except for –there. Yes, I can fly this."

He made himself comfortable in the co-pilot's seat and left her to it. She flew well, professionally, if a little faster than he would have liked. When they neared Coruscant, he directed her to the archives, where she executed a perfect landing. This time, there were no civilians to shoot at him, only stormtroopers on patrol, and he and Rey entered the building without incident. Almost immediately, the old archivist appeared, arms full of old datapads.

"It's you again," he said, pausing to squint at Kylo. "Isn't it? Oh, thank you for not letting them destroy our valuable history!"

"I'll not require your services today," Kylo replied. "I'll be accessing the same records as before."

"Of course." The man bobbed his head. "If you need anything, please ask."

"Why are we here?" Rey asked, when he was gone.

"You'll see."

Deep in the building, he led her into one of the halls of records. She wandered around, amazed, as he searched for the memory card the archivist had found for him before. Finally locating it, he pulled it out, and with Rey following, took it back down the hall to a holo projector. After plugging it in, he beckoned her closer, taking hold of her hand and hoping that he was doing the right thing in showing it to her.

A figure flickered to life, a tall man who glanced behind him once before speaking. "The Empire has fallen. The remainder of my knights are on their way to you. You're to leave Moraband immediately. I will meet you on Mandalore. Allow your mentor to guide you, Cati."

The man turned again, someone else entering the perimeter of the frame before it went dead. Rey was very still by Kylo's side, staring at it for a long time, then reaching forward to replay it. Her hand had gone limp in his, and he could sense her fascination, her excitement and wonder.

"That was my grandfather," she said.

"Yes. The Emperor's son. It was unfortunate that he was here when the Empire fell. He was killed when the people stormed the palace, probably immediately after sending that message."

"To Cati. My mother."

"Yes. There's more."

He brought up another transmission, sent in reply to the first. The girl in the hologram couldn't have been more than fourteen or fifteen, and she stood primly, calmly, addressing the recipient in a distinct accent, her demeanor like that of royalty. Before speaking, she turned her head to the right to look at something offscreen, revealing her hair, arranged neatly in three buns running down the back of her head. Rey gasped, her hand suddenly tightly gripping Kylo's.

"Father," the girl said imperiously, "I have received your message and Leader Snoke has advised me otherwise, as your lack of sensitivity to the force makes you and your decisions flawed and weak. I will not be meeting you on Mandalore. If my father is dead and someone else is receiving this message: good riddance, and the Empire will prevail."

The transmission terminated. Beside Kylo, Rey was silent, tense.

"She was ruthless," she whispered.

"Yes."

Her hand went limp, slipping from his. "Who would I have been had I been raised under the tutelage of Cati and Snoke?" she asked, her voice wavering. "I would have been exactly like the woman in the hologram. I would have been like you. Corrupted. Brainwashed. Poisoned with lies."

Her words slammed into him, cutting him as easily and deeply as a lightsaber. _Corrupted. Brainwashed. Poisoned._ That was truly what she thought of him, even after everything that had happened between them?

"Snoke is the root of everything, a weed growing on my family tree," she spat, turning to face him, eyes wet with tears but blazing with anger. "He corrupted my mother, probably since birth, just like he did with you. Ben Solo. It's disgusting. Despicable."

Memories of Cati Palpatine tore loose, catapulting through Kylo's mind. Maniacal laughter at him after he'd screamed at her. Blood spattered all over her face, and streaks of ash. Her threats mixed with screams of agony as Leader Snoke tortured her to death and made him watch. The twisted way her face had looked, even after she was dead. And that was what Rey saw when she looked at him. That monster.

Something cold slid down his spine.

"No," he muttered.

_You're a monster._

"And where are these knights who are sworn to protect me?" Rey demanded. "With him?"

Kylo's words stuck in his throat. Tears were streaming down Rey's cheeks, and he wanted to reach out and wipe them away, but he couldn't move.

"And he corrupted my mother. Turned her to the dark side, and all because of her name. If he had left us well enough alone, I would have been fine. I would have had two parents and a home. Do you know how difficult is it, growing up alone on a junkyard planet? Oh, they take pity on the little girl who's hungry and can't do her own hair. The young woman who bleeds and doesn't have a mother to tell her why. Sleeping alone in a hulk of garbage. The desert is cold at night, you know. So cold. I was desperate to sleep because I was shivering because _there was nobody to keep me warm_."

He swallowed. "Rey-"

"No. I am going to kill him."

"Rey, stop. You don't know what you're up against."

She moved to walk by him, but he stepped into her path. Fists balled at her side, jaw clenched, she stared him down. Her words came out in a snarl. "Get out of my way."

"Don't do this."

"I order you to get out of my way."

When he didn't move, her hand jerked forward, her lightsaber flying from his belt to her hand. His own reached his a fraction of a second later, igniting and swinging upward in time to block her blow, which was aimed disturbingly close to his neck. Letting out a shout of rage, she charged at him, and like their first duel, she was hell bent on killing him. Unlike their first duel, however, he was strong, and easily parried her every move, which only fuelled her determination.

"I'll go right through you!" she shouted, coming at him again, and again. He could feel the rage rolling off her in waves.

"Rey, stop!" He narrowly blocked a blow that would have cleaved his skull in two. "This is the path to the dark side!"

He sounded so ridiculously like his uncle that he almost laughed, but Rey's only reply was to take another swing at him. He attacked in kind, hell bent on disarming her, but she knew all his tricks from their previous duels and wasn't having any of it. She kept trying to dart around him, but he kept getting in her way, completely unwilling to let her go on such a mad and foolish mission.

Crashing sounds from above interrupted their fight. A moment later, the archivist ran through in a joyful panic.

"They're here!" he shouted, scampering off down the hallway, reminding Kylo of a slightly less annoying version of Threepio. "The Resistance has come to save us! Don't damage my records, you!"

"The Resistance," Rey panted, with a grin. "Good timing."

Attacking again, she beat him back several paces before he drew upon his anger and sent her stumbling backward. Their sabers locked; she looked at him and growled, and then ducked, spinning away and racing past him.

Cursing under his breath, he gave chase, catching her up near the entrance and engaging her again. They were both tired, but both determined, their blades clashing over and over again. She beat him back again, briefly leaving an opening in which he could have disarmed her by cutting off her hand. His hesitancy in following through was what cost him the battle. With one last shout, she sent his lightsaber flying from his hand, clattering off down the hallway. The seconds it took to draw it back to his hand were all she needed to dodge past him again and race for the entrance. Bumbling to his feet, he gave chase again.

"Rey!" he shouted, as she reached the light of the entryway. Extending his arm, he put a stasis on her, but she threw it off and turned on him, wildly throwing out a hand. A second later her force push slammed into him, sending him flying through the air and crashing into the stone wall somewhere near the ceiling. He crashed down hard, the impact causing their air to leave his lungs and his head to smack hard against the floor. Blackness and stars obscured his vision, and he gasped for breath, unable to get air.

Footsteps ran back toward him, and for a moment he thought it was simply compassion, but a second later pain lanced through his mind. She wasn't gentle about rifling through his memories, looking for Snoke's location, and he would have screamed if he could find his breath.

Then suddenly the pain withdrew, and her footsteps thundered away. With a gasp he drew in a heaving, rasping lungful of air, and then promptly blacked out.

When he came to, his head a mess of stars and dizziness, his first thought was that he really shouldn't have thrown her into that tree on Starkiller Base. And he really should not have taught her how to throw off the force stasis. She was going to take his damned shuttle and leave him here while the Resistance attacked. He was incoherently appalled and impressed and angry all at the same time.

Bloody hell, he loved her.

He'd underestimated her. She'd never had any intention of taking down the Supreme Leader together unless such an opportunity presented itself. Her intent all along had been to take him down under any circumstance, and that included without him. She'd gone right through him, and his feelings for her had clouded his judgement. It was a grievous error, he knew now, as his mind spun and blackened again.

His mind and body were a haze of pain, his senses dulled as he struggled back to consciousness an indeterminate amount of time later. He knew he was laying on the floor but couldn't do a thing about it. He couldn't even open his eyes, his eyelids feeling like they were weighted down by planets. Drifting in and out of consciousness, he wondered vaguely if he was going to die. His mother was going to be disappointed in him, more so than she already was.

Gradually, a light tinking sound reached his ears, moving closer. He drifted again, and when he came to, something was tugging at his ankle.

"Oh Artoo, you are not strong enough to pull him!" a familiar, obnoxious voice cut in.

A series of disgruntled beeps followed.

"Yes, I know it's Master Ben."

More beeps.

"Oh, fine, you lousy bucket of bolts!"

There was a metallic shuffling, and something grabbed his arms. "I was not programmed for this, you know! I am a protocol droid!"

Vaguely, Kylo felt himself being pulled along the floor, the hinges of Threepio's joints pinching the skin of his arms a little through his clothes. Everything went dark again, and this time when he came to, he felt himself at an odd angle, his feet higher than his head. Brightness stung the back of his eyelids.

"I cannot get him up the ramp!" Threepio was arguing. "Go and get Master Finn, you lump of metal!"

Artoo blew a raspberry, and a moment later came another voice.

"What have you- oh, hell no. _Him?_ "

"General Leia would be most put out if we left Master Ben behind," Threepio said.

"Okay. Fine. But I'm tying him up!"

Warm hands grabbed Kylo by the ankles and he felt himself dragged upwards.

"Master Luke!" Threepio was calling. "Oh, thank goodness!"

Kylo's mind went dark again, and when he came to, he was bound at the wrists and ankles and was staring into the eyes of his uncle and former Jedi Master. Luke was holding Kylo's lightsaber in both hands.

"Where's Rey?" his uncle demanded. "She messaged us from Ord Mantell, but only her ship was there."

"Gone," Kylo managed, through the pounding of his head. A quick glance at his surroundings told him that he was on the _Millennium Falcon_ , which also meant that he was well and truly fucked, in the figurative sense.

Goddamn Rey anyway. Confused outrage seeped through the pounding in his head. Why did she have to be such an exasperating pain in the ass? He wasn't even that angry with her per se, just appalled and maybe a little impressed. Hell, maybe he liked being beaten up by her. Maybe that was just his concussion talking, because he felt a little drunk.

"Did you kill her?" Uncle Luke's voice was remarkably calm. Kylo had always hated that about him.

"No." He scowled. "She threw me into the wall and stole my ship."

"We saw the ship leave. If she's gone to the dark side-"

"She's fucking crazy."

"-then there will be no stopping her."

"Why did I kiss her?" Kylo muttered.

His uncle fell silent, eyeing him strangely. Kylo glared back. Then suddenly Luke grinned and straightened up, chuckling as he walked away. "Oh, Leia's going to _love_ this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter is my favourite thing ever. Poor concussed Kylo and his family who just love him too much to leave him alone. 
> 
> Kylo and Rey will be separated for a few chapters while they undergo some necessary character development, but it will all be worth it. ;)


	15. Home

Rey had been here before, in a dream or a lost memory. Distracted by her mission, she hadn't much time to dwell on it, though she did allow herself a few seconds to be awed by the scenery. The planet was beautiful, with lush tropical forests and crystal blue waters lapping at rocky headlands. The large command centre –the First Order's base of operations, she assumed- that had let her through the shields had been hacked into the jungle, but a distance from it, the crumbling temple that sat close to the sea for all intents and purposes looked completely peaceful. She knew that evil lurked inside, though. She could feel it as she set the ship down.

A pang hit her as she left the pilot's seat and spotted Kylo's mask on the floor. The journey through hyperspace had given her enough time to calm down that she felt bad for what she'd done. It had not, however, dampened her determination or her anger, and she left the ship with balled fists, her posture not an act this time. This time, she really did feel like a queen. A queen who was going to take her knights and dispose of the evil within the temple that had tormented her family for too long.

Six Knights of Ren blocked her from entering the temple, all masked, and all armed. She faced them with scrutiny, taking the time to look from one mask to the other, and finally lifting her chin. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, my lady," the one directly in front of her said. "Welcome home. The Supreme Leader has been expecting you."

"Take me to him immediately."

He bowed, promptly leading her into the temple. She noted that the others stayed behind. Their loyalty was not yet entirely to her, but if she needed them, she would make them somehow. And if she didn't need them, well then she would dispose of them.

Inside, the temple was cool and airy, much to her surprise. She'd expected it to be humid and stifling. The main corridor led straight to the centre, opening to a large atrium where vines crept in through the damaged exterior and hung from the ceiling and walls. The cracks let light in as well, one single beam falling upon the throne in the centre of the room, upon which sat the tall, grotesque creature that Rey had come to murder.

The knight who had accompanied her withdrew, and Rey approached the throne. He was ancient. A tall, thin figure dressed in black robes sat there, with a face that was scarred, grotesque, and beady dark eyes that were sunken into a misshapen skull and glimmering as she approached.

"Welcome, Kira," Snoke said, a smile twisting his lips. "You have corrupted my most promising apprentice, but in turn have faltered from the light. Very good."

It was now or never. She ignited her lightsaber and charged him, but found it pulled from her grasp as if he'd plucked it from a toddler. Halting, she watched as he turned it over in his hands, smiling down upon it as his fingers caressed it.

"This has been used for much evil," he said, his mouth twisting into a smile. "That's why it likes you. You have much potential for darkness."

Thrusting out a hand, she called it back, but nothing happened. Snoke just smiled at her, tucking it away in his robes, and a trickle of fear slid down her spine. Kylo was right. She had no idea what she was getting into, how difficult it would be to kill Snoke. And she'd let the dark side in and left him. Now she was alone before a threat she couldn't possibly face that way.

"Aron will take you to your mother's old quarters," Snoke said, gesturing to the knight outside the doorway. "Your training will begin tomorrow."

She hesitated when she left the chamber. It would have been so easy to make a run for the shuttle, to leave and never turn back. But it was Snoke's words that had her following Aron up a staircase to a second level of the temple, the pull of them too much to resist. _Your mother's old quarters._ Rey's heart began to pound when they turned toward a door in the hall upstairs, because she'd seen it before.

"We'll have food brought to you," Aron said, and disappeared.

With the press of shaking fingers on a button, the door slid aside, her eyes filling with tears when they took in the sight of the chamber beyond. _Home_. Things were different than the vague, hazy memories in her mind, but there was a familiarity nonetheless. She walked into the room, taking in the bed in the corner, at the foot of it a door to an adjoining room. Turning, she took in the rest of it: a table and two chairs sitting by the window, a cabinet, a trunk, a workbench with drawers along the far wall... and scars. The walls were covered in burn marks from a lightsaber, as if someone had taken to them in a rage. She shivered.

She went to the workbench first. The drawers were filled with all a manner of things, and sitting amongst the items in the lefthand one was a broken lightsaber. She wondered if her mother had ruined it in one of her rages, or if it had been done in battle somewhere.

Closing the drawers, she turned to the trunk, walking over and lifting the dusty lid. She fell to her knees when she saw the contents, one hand coming up to stifle a cry that escaped her. Little girl clothes. Hers. And toys. A ball. A spaceship and a stormtrooper doll. A datapad. Memories began to flood in, of countless hours in the room that they called home.

_"Take her, Dagon! She won't stop crying!"_

Time and time again, she'd be handed off to her father, but when they'd laugh too much her mother would get angry.

_"Give her to me! She's mine!"_

Her mother was always angry, and Rey would cling to her father when he had to leave.

_"Hush, Kira. Be a good girl for Mama."_

_"I don't want you to go!"_

And then there was the time she figured out to do tricks and was so proud of herself.

_"Look, Papa! Look what I can do!"_

_The ball rolled back across the floor as she called it to her hand, and she caught it, holding it up proudly, but her father's face had gone pale._

_"You mustn't do that, Kira. Not ever."_

_"Why?"_

_"You mustn't."_

And a memory of waking in the dark of night, in her father's arms. A blanket being tucked around her in the copilot's seat of a ship.

_"Papa, where are we going?"_

_"Just a little trip, sweetheart."_

_"I want my doll."_

_"We'll come back for it."_

He'd promised to come back for her, too, only he never had. Tears coursed down Rey's face as she touched each of the items in the trunk, remembering how she'd loved the stormtrooper doll, how she'd made her own pilot doll out of the junk on Jakku because she missed it so much.

Wiping her eyes, she closed the lid of the trunk and stood up, looking around the room, her eyes falling upon the second door. She'd had a bed in there. The adjoining room had been her father's quarters, the door between the rooms always open except when the knights came to talk about things she wasn't allowed to hear. Now it was locked.

She went out into the hallway, knowing that she could get in that way as well. The door there was unlocked, sliding aside with the touch of a button, and when she entered, the room was unrecognizable from her childhood. It was dark, for one thing, a ragged piece of black fabric bolted to the stone around the window, shutting out the light. The only other things in the room were furniture: a bed, a table, and a single chair. As she stepped inside, she was put in mind of another sparse, cold room, the realization of who now occupied this space hitting her full force like a blow to the chest.

_Kylo_.

Of course these were his quarters. They were quarters of the Master of the Knights of Ren, and that title belonged to him now. She could feel him now, his presence staining every inch of the room. He must have spent a lot of time here in the early days when he'd left Luke's temple.

Her heritage hadn't seemed real until now. It had seemed fantastical, like a story someone had made up and written her into. And now it was real.

She was Kira Palpatine, and the Knights of Ren were hers, and if she decided that she wanted them at her side, then they would be. If she decided that Snoke could go and throw himself into a black hole, then he would, because if she wanted to untarnish her family's name and create a legacy of good rather than evil, then she would do that, too, and no shrivelled old monster was going to breathe down her neck and tell her otherwise.

But she was frightened, too. Frightened of the sense of power such thoughts brought, frightened that she couldn't defeat Snoke without her knights. Without Kylo.

Turning, she went to the adjoining door, unlocking it and pressing the button that would make it open. It shuddered aside as if it hadn't moved in a long time. She paused there, looking into the bright room beyond, then turned back and walked over to the bed. Kylo's bed. The sheets were clean and pressed, but they carried his scent, and she closed her eyes and breathed it in as she lay down, curling in a ball, wishing desperately that he could be with her right now.

"Kylo," she whispered into the darkness, imagining his hands and lips on her, calling her back to the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I like about darkside origin Rey is that she'd have to come to terms with wanting a home and a family and having that turn out to be not at all what she imagined. She has to decide if that's a legacy she wants for herself.


	16. Ben

They put proper restraints on him and blindfolded him before taking him off the ship. Kylo had no idea what planet he was on, but it was warm. They searched him for weapons and scanned him as well, finding the tracker in his belt and promptly removing it. It was only short range, but if the First Order came anywhere near the planet, they'd find him. The blindfold came off when he was locked in a small, stone-walled room that looked like it had hastily been cleared of storage, if the patterns in the floor dust were any indication.

After that, they sent in a medical droid, who promptly diagnosed him with a concussion and injected him with a painkiller and something else that knocked him out for an indeterminate amount of time. When he woke, he found that his room had been furnished with a cot and portable toilet, much like a jail cell. There was a plate of food and some water sitting on the floor just inside the door.

He'd barely finished eating when the door slid open. His mother and Luke walked in looking like they were all business, their expressions grim and serious. Leia looked smaller than he remembered. Kylo noted that they were unarmed, though judging by his mother's expression, she'd brought more than enough weapons of the verbal kind.

"How's your head?" Luke asked, when the door slid shut behind them.

The pounding in Kylo's head had been reduced to a dull ache and mild dizziness, but he still felt a bit foggy. He wasn't about to tell them that, though. "Fine."

The twins exchanged a glance, then turned back to him.

"Luke said you kissed Rey," his mother said, her voice all business.

That would be the first thing she brought up with him. Typical. At best, she was imagining the good, lighthearted son she'd always wanted, and at worst she was gearing up for a lecture about how awful he was and how he should probably behave himself and not corrupt poor innocent Rey. Nothing new there.

"I had a concussion!" he snapped. "You can go ahead and add it to my list of terrible decisions."

"She's pulled you back toward the light. I can feel it."

"The only thing she's done is made me weak."

"Did she kiss you back?" Luke asked, mouth twitching like he was holding back a smile.

"Luke!" Leia admonished, while Kylo glared at the both of them.

Luke shrugged, eyes twinkling with amusement, which quickly turned serious again after a pointed look from his sister. Clearing his throat, Luke turned back to Kylo. "Vader turned to the dark side out of love. Is that weakness?"

"Shut up."

Luke went on as if Kylo hadn't spoken. "He thought he could save Padmé by turning to the dark side. But he couldn't."

"I don't _love_ anyone. Is this really the topic you decided upon for your brainwashing?"

It was almost laughable. He wondered how long they'd discussed it before deciding it was a good approach. Did they really think he was in love with Rey? She'd ruined him. She'd leveled him twice and he counted himself lucky that this time she only gave him a concussion instead of slashing him up with a lightsaber. She was awful. Talented and beautiful and of course sexy as hell, but truly awful, and probably crazy.

"You're under greater influences than Vader ever was," Luke continued, "and he turned away in the end. You want to be stronger than him? Then turn away. If you can turn away after all the lies Snoke's told you, then you will be stronger than him."

"Have you heard from her?" Kylo asked flatly.

"No." His mother was watching him closely, arms crossed, expression closed.

"Then I have no desire to hear your nonsense. Go away."

Luke tried again, though. "Ben, just think about-"

"I said _go away_."

They respected his wishes, which made him feel a little less like an unruly child, but not by much. He hated the feeling. When they were gone, he leaned his head back against the wall and wondered what to do next. If he concentrated enough, he could probably break the restraints. Escaping without knowing where he was would be difficult, though. He probably wouldn't even make it out of the building. Or bunker. Or wherever he was, let alone off the planet. And he doubted that his family would be stupid enough to send in someone he could mind trick.

Climbing to his feet, he made his way to the cot, where he lay down on his back. His feet hung off the end of the bed, so he moved to his side instead. He'd have to wait for an opportunity to escape, or at least until he knew more about the layout and location. He hated feeling so helpless, so useless. Every moment he was here was another moment Rey spent with Snoke. Rey might have ruined him, but Snoke would destroy her, and Kylo found that he couldn't stand the thought of her turning to the dark side. Even the name she'd given herself evoked light. Darkness wasn't right for her, and he'd do anything to prevent it from happening.

His mother came back sometime later, bringing him more food. Her eyes were red, though she'd tried to cover it up. Kylo felt a stab of guilt. It didn't matter what kind of monster he turned into. He still felt awful for making his mother cry. After all, what kind of a person did that?

Leia left without saying a word, and Kylo ate, and then slept. They came back the next day, or so he presumed. He couldn't tell what time it was and they hadn't bothered to dim the lights in his cell, but he'd slept a long time and had eaten another meal.

He wondered what tactic they were going to go with this time.

"Still no word from Rey," Luke said.

They stayed on the other side of the room while he sat on the cot, legs drawn up, leaning against the wall. He wondered if they were afraid of him, if they saw the same monster that Rey had seen.

"Do you know where she's gone?" Leia asked.

"Of course I do," Kylo replied, staring blandly back at them.

They didn't pursue the subject, which was just as well, because he wasn't going to tell them anything.

"Ben, we need to talk about some things," his mother said. "You blew up an entire system of planets-"

"I didn't blow up anything," he replied testily. Hell if he was going to take the blame for Hux's fanatical tendencies toward mass genocide. "That was Hux. I didn't want it, and I didn't approve of it."

"Nor did you do anything to stop it," Luke cut in, his voice gentle. Leia had bowed her head, a hand shielding her eyes.

"Really? It's so easy to judge my position from here, isn't it? I've killed people, yes. I can give you a list if you like, but I assure you it's much smaller than you think."

His mother abruptly raised her head and met his eyes. "What happened at the temple-"

He let out a short laugh, cutting her off. "Yes. Tell me what happened at the temple."

"Ben!" she said sharply. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, angry, and it occurred to him that it was a good thing she had never been trained as a Jedi, because she'd have made a good Dark Jedi. Or Sith.

He couldn't seem to shut himself up, and maybe it was for the best, because there were things that had been left unsaid for far too long. "That's the problem, you know. You're so willing to believe that you know everything about me. To you, I was a boy too weak to understand the voice in my head. I had to become a Jedi because it would make me into the son you really wanted. I killed the padawans at the temple. All of those are _lies_."

Luke's gaze had sharpened. "I saw your ship leaving the temple."

"I went there to stop _her!_ " he screamed, his voice echoing through the chamber. "They were already dead when I arrived. It was already burning."

"Who?" Leia asked quietly, looking to Luke, whose face had turned troubled, horrified.

"Cati Palpatine," Luke replied, tears in his eyes. "Rey's father was one of her knights and he took Rey when he discovered she was force sensitive. He knew that Snoke was already corrupting Ben and didn't want it happening to his daughter."

"Palpatine?" Leia asked disbelievingly, looking from Luke to Kylo. "The Palpatines are dead."

Luke sighed. "The Emperor had a son, Ren, whom he kept concealed and protected. His knights continue to protect the line to this day. That includes Rey."

_"Rey's a Palpatine?"_

"Leia-"

" _You trained a Palpatine?_ Are you insane?"

"You sent her to me!" Luke snapped. The argument, Kylo noted, would have been amusing if the situation wasn't so serious.

"I didn't know she was a Sith!" Leia snapped back.

"Leia. She's not a Sith. That's unfair."

Leia blinked and shook her head, turning back to Kylo. "This doesn't change things. You went to the dark side. You killed your father. I will never forgive you for that."

"Good," Kylo replied, the lapse in their attention having given him time to collect himself again.

His mother pointed a finger at him. "You'll turn back to the light."

"Why not?" he shrugged. "You've been telling me what to do and who I am for my entire life."

To his surprise, his mother's eyes filled with tears, and she turned and walked out of the room. Of all the terrible things that Kylo had done, making his mother cry felt like the worst. Luke eyed him, shaking his head a little, and then sighing.

"I think I understand you a little better now, Ben," he said. "I wish you'd confided in me."

"Why would I?" He felt like a child again.

"Decide who you are, Ben," Luke said quietly, heading for the door, and turning back to look at him when it hissed open. "For what it's worth, we were trying our best. I'm sorry."

When they were gone, Kylo screamed, trying to draw upon the dark side, to quell the conflict within him. It didn't work, though. It never had, he knew now. Neither dark nor light suited him. There was nowhere he could go, nothing he could be to find peace. Except... he thought he'd felt something like it once, with Rey in his arms.

He dreamed of her that night. She was curled up against his body, a small smile gracing her face as she slept, his arm around her. Then she opened her eyes and tumbled away from him, landing on a cold stone floor. She was screaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just in: Kylo Ren is in denial
> 
> Kylo: fuck off I hate Rey  
> Luke: *launches into spiel about Vader*  
> Kylo: k but have u heard from Rey asking for a friend
> 
> They totally know he has a major thing for Rey and are probably tickled by it but also mildly concerned. 
> 
> (Also, I know Kylo's kind of being a dick to his family but I feel like that's in character for him right now. They had a specific plan of attack, though, and aren't willing to give up on him. And even if he is being a dick, they are reaching him as you will see after we check in with Rey again.)


	17. Dark

Rey lay curled in a ball on the cool stone, the sunlight streaming in from gaps above but not quite reaching her where she lay below. The shivering wouldn't stop. Pulling her knees up tighter, she pressed her forehead to them, too desolate to cry.

_Use the dark side to fight back._

She'd refused. She wasn't his plaything. He wasn't going to turn her. He'd stopped short of killing her, but when the shivering stopped, the process would repeat all over again. Was this what Kylo had gone through, when he'd left the temple? How many times had he been tortured before he gave in? But young Ben had been twisted and manipulated for years... maybe he'd wanted this. Maybe he'd given in right away.

She was so sore. So tired. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to conjure the image she used to use to soothe herself to sleep, the island the ocean that had turned out to be Ach-to. The picture wouldn't form, though, scattering though her mind in fragments instead, like a shattered glass reflecting sunlight.

"Kylo," she whispered, and for a brief moment, she conjured up that fleeting smile she'd elicited from him a few times, and the way he looked at her body in wonder and smoothed his hands over her skin. It gave her a surge of strength, but then that faltered, and shattered as well.

Distant footsteps reached her ears, and a sense of dread filled her and grew as they moved closer. It was him. Such power from one so old and feeble. He could barely move on his spindly legs, and he was so tall that he looked like he'd buckle in half. That was why he needed apprentices, she understood. It was to carry out his dirty work. Kylo Ren had been his most promising assassin, and yet his biggest failure. And now it was her turn.

"You haven't moved," Snoke's cruel voice said, echoing throughout the chamber. She felt him pass, heard him seat himself on his throne. "I am disappointed."

"I'm going to kill you," she whispered.

"No," he replied. "The only one who will do that is a Skywalker. I have seen it."

His words slowly penetrated her brain. More puzzle pieces fell into place. It could have been a lie designed to make her think she couldn't win, but it made too much sense. Leia wasn't a threat to him. He couldn't get to Luke. But he could reach all three through Kylo and eliminate the threat and have an assassin to do his bidding on top of it all.

"You see, you are powerless against me. You know this. I can help you."

"You tortured me."

"I sought to bring you to your full potential. That is something Skywalker will never do. Did you know that he knew who you were the whole time? He never told you your name, but I did."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it does. He knew everything you wished to know and he didn't tell you. He lied."

She didn't respond, because she knew he was right. Luke had met her and her father as a child and had rejected her because of her heritage. She'd seen it herself in the vision at the temple. What Luke's concealment of the truth also meant was that Snoke was right about her training as well. Maybe that was why she couldn't defeat him. Luke would never train her to her full potential because she was a Palpatine. She was descended from the dark side. She was dangerous.

"You see, this is where you belong. We are your people. This is your home. It is a shame that your parents are no longer with us, but the Knights of Ren are your servants. You want this. You know this."

"I don't need it," she said. The shivering had stopped, but she still felt the cold seeping into her body from the stone floor. "I have friends."

"They will never accept you once they know who you are," Snoke said. "Your mother destroyed Luke's feeble attempts to re-establish the Jedi Order. That was your fault, too. She was looking for you. Luke will never forgive you for that. His sister will be quite horrified. You are the embodiment of everything she fights against. The traitor's lack of family is ultimately your family's fault, too. And Kylo... Kylo is weak and conflicted. He doesn't love you. He will come to kill you for stealing his place."

A tear slid down her cheek, the pain in her chest welling up and spilling over. His words turned over and over in her mind, and somewhere in the darkness that was seeping in, a fading beacon of light told her that they were lies. But they weren't lies. Everything he'd spoken this far was the truth. Her lineage had condemned her to this.

Reaching out a hand, she planted her palm on the cold stone and pushed herself up. Her body shook, the aching pain screaming through her as she slid her legs beneath her. Soon she was on her feet, tired and fearful, facing the monster who smiled down upon her with approval.

"Just try it," he said, a gentle undertone to his voice. "Just once. You want to."

She raised a hand. Looked into the beady, dark eyes. And just once, let the dark side take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited about the next chapter so thought I'd throw this one up early.
> 
> Hopefully these chapters with Rey and Kylo separated aren't too boring for people? I really like em! :)


	18. Truth

It was several days before anyone came to see Kylo again. Then one morning after his first meal, the door slid open and Luke entered. This time he'd brought a chair, which he seated himself in after setting it down opposite Kylo's cot.

"We haven't heard from Rey," Luke said gently.

Kylo nodded. He'd known as much. Nightmares of her had plagued him these last few nights, terrible dreams in which she was screaming and angry, a caricature of her mother, only more terrifying. He'd allowed himself to acknowledge that he was concerned for her, but he was frustrated that there was nothing he could do to help.

"Ben," Luke said softly. "Why did you leave? Where did I go wrong?"

Kylo felt like a child again, fidgeting under his uncle's scrutinizing gaze. They'd fought so much, right before Kylo had left. A part of him wanted to lash out in anger at his uncle as he had before, but the other part wanted this heart-to-heart. It was long overdue. He hated the conflict within himself, which was worse than ever since the day he'd kissed Rey, but he was too tired to fight the light this time, so he humoured it a little.

"It just wasn't working," he replied honestly, avoiding his uncle's gaze. "I'm not like you."

"And you thought being a Dark Jedi was better?"

"The dark side comes as easily to me as the light."

Only he'd felt the same conflict using only the dark side as he had only using the light. He felt it even now. There was no peace while it existed. No peace ever, and there never had been in his entire life.

"You have such great potential, Ben," Luke said. "I'm sorry that we tried to force you to do something you didn't want. It's okay if you don't want to be a Jedi."

"It's not that I don't want to be trained in the force," Kylo replied, finally raising his eyes to Luke's. "It's that I fundamentally disagree with the Jedi Order. They're not perfect. Their system was flawed and arrogant."

Luke looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment, then nodded. "You've said that to me before. I didn't listen."

"No, you didn't. You thought it was the dark side talking. You thought you could fix me, but you can't. All my life he's been telling me to go to the dark side. How is that any different than you telling me to go to the light?"

That impacted his uncle, Kylo could tell, but Luke changed the subject. "Can you hear him now?"

Kylo shook his head. "No. He's busy."

Busy torturing Rey, but he didn't tell his uncle that. He sensed that Luke knew, though.

Luke looked down at his hands. "I had a lot of time to think in my exile," he said. "I connected with some new force spirits and have been learning a little about the Grey Jedi. There is still a great deal of information in what's left of the Jedi Archives as well. Ben, I believe there's a way to find balance within you."

"Don't count on it," Kylo replied bitterly.

His uncle was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "Why didn't you tell me that it was Cati and not you?"

He shrugged. "What did it matter? You so easily believed it. It was my fault anyway. I'm the one who told her that Rey had been at the temple."

"That doesn't mean their blood is on your hands."

"Doesn't it?" Kylo looked away. "You forget that some of them were my friends. They died because of me."

"Ben."

"Toni and Shar wanted to get married, did you know that? They kept it secret because they thought you wouldn't approve. Anytime you and I fought, one or the other of them would come and find me. I would have left so much earlier if not for them. And the kids... I hated the way they looked up to me and were scared of me at the same time. Except for the littlest one. Kel. When I left, she followed me asking where I was going. I told her to get lost. She didn't deserve that. And this entire time you believed that I murdered all of them. My friends. A six-year-old."

"Ben." Luke's voice was heavy with grief. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't."

"I know we've butted heads a lot in the past," Luke said gently, "but I'm not willing to give up on you. I never was, even when I thought you killed them."

Before Kylo could reply to that, the door slid open and his mother walked in.

"No word from Rey," she said, moving to stand next to Luke. "Sorry, Ben."

"Every minute I'm here is another minute she's spending with Snoke," he said. He'd never convince them to let him go, though. He was stuck and so was Rey.

"Do you... love her?" Luke asked gently.

"She makes me feel things-"

Leia rolled her eyes so hard that Kylo thought they'd roll right out of her head. He glared at her.

"-and I've felt nothing but anger for years."

"What I was saying before," Luke said, leaning forward eagerly. "The Jedi-"

"I will never be a Jedi," he told Luke flatly. Kylo could sense his uncle's disappointment, but also his acceptance. "Not like you, anyway. I could never be that. Nobody ever asked me what I wanted."

His uncle and mother exchanged a glance. "So what do you want?"

He took a deep breath, and the truth spilled out. "I want peace. Only I'll never have it, because I killed my father."

The room went dead silent. The twins exchanged a glance, and after a moment, Luke got up and left, leaving Kylo alone with his mother, who walked over and sat beside him on the bed. He couldn't look at her. She reached out and touched the restraints on his wrists and the place where they were rubbing the skin raw.

"It was my fault," she said quietly. "I told him to bring you home."

Her words were a painful lie, an absolution that he didn't want, nor did he deserve. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Don't do that."

He couldn't stand that his uncle blamed himself for the massacre at the temple, that his mother blamed herself for Han's death. Everything was his fault. Kylo was horrified at himself, at the thing he'd done that would haunt him for the rest of his days. He could have just thrown his lightsaber from the walkway and left everything, gone home with his father who loved him.

Instead he'd killed him.

He'd rather die than live with what he'd done, but that would be the coward's way out. The worst punishment was the one he couldn't escape: that he'd killed his father and he couldn't ever make it better. He had to live with it every day for the rest of his life, with the empty place in his heart and his life where his father should have been.

"Why did you do it?" Leia asked softly.

He was silent for a long time, trying to form the right words. Trying to make them make sense. "Vader's downfall was sentiment. If he had destroyed Luke, he would have freed himself from it. I thought that doing so would free myself from the conflict within me. Instead it made it worse."

It had been like pulling a string within him, unravelling everything he had so carefully woven together. The first thing he'd really felt in years was the death of his father through the force, and the aching hole it had left in his consciousness had opened the door for the others: sorrow, regret, guilt, hope, comfort, and a glimmer of happiness once, in a bed in the dark of night.

"Ben, if Han's death brought you back to your family, he would think it was worth it."

"Don't say that."

A silence fell between them.

"I felt his touch," he said after awhile, remembering the battlefield on Daluuj and the sensation of his father's hand on his face that had stopped him from killing. "He laid his hand on my cheek before he died. I felt it there when I was supposed to be killing people."

His mother's hand stilled on his wrist, and tears came to her eyes. "He loved you."

"I know."

"I'm sorry we failed you so badly. I knew Snoke was manipulating you and I didn't know what to do to stop it. And you were so obsessed with Vader-"

"Because he was the only one who understood me," he interrupted, the anger flaring up inside him again. "He was the only one like me. He had darkness in him, too."

"That darkness is Snoke," she insisted.

"No it's not," he snapped back. "Not all of it. That's what you never understood. Dark and light have always been in me. You wanted me to be all light and it didn't work. So I gave in to the dark and had no choice but to make it work. I thought it was the right choice, because Anakin used to speak to me and then he didn't anymore after I turned to the dark side. I had the mask brought to me, and then he spoke to me again."

Whatever retort was about to fall from his mother's lips died there, her expression turning to horror, and then devastation. "Is that what you believe?" she whispered. "Ben... Sith can't be force spirits. That's why you only ever saw Anakin."

He knew that, but he didn't believe it. Vader's mask spoke to him, encouraging him, sometimes giving him visions that bolstered his actions and beliefs. After he'd turned to the dark side, he couldn't go back to his family, not after they thought he slaughtered the padawans and sent his uncle into hiding. Not after he'd killed and tortured and done terrible things to good people. The dark side was a path his family couldn't follow him down. But Vader could, and he had. That meant the path was right.

Except now it wasn't. Now he was a monster and he desperately didn't want to be one.

"Why do you need to speak to him so badly?" his mother asked.

"Because," he replied, "he told me it was okay to be restless and moody and angry when everyone around me told me that I should be peaceful and kind and good. It's inhuman to expect someone to be that way."

"Fair enough, Ben, but Snoke has been lying to you for your entire life. Whatever the mask is telling you-"

"You don't know anything about that."

"Ben, whatever that mask is telling you, it isn't your grandfather. It's Snoke."

Her words fell through him like a meteor falling through atmosphere, burning through him and settling with a profound impact deep inside him, sending shockwaves outward. Something inside him began to crumble. It couldn't be true. His grandfather still spoke to him. He listened to all Kylo's secrets, all his struggles and deceptions. He even guided him away from the memories of the protestations of Anakin Skywalker's force ghost just before Kylo had turned to the dark side.

If the voice in the mask wasn't his grandfather, if it was Snoke... it meant that his family was right. That he'd been brainwashed. Conditioned. Used. Deceived.

And a part of him had known it all along.

There was nothing in the room to throw, so he stood and turned to the wall instead, screaming, pounding at it with his fists, tearing at it with his fingernails until they bled. The restraints cut into his wrists, bruising him and making him bleed. Humiliation filled him, welling up from a wound deep inside.

He really was weak. Too weak to see the deception. To want to see it and fight it.

He had no idea who he was without the dark side, without the mask, without the voice in his mind. It had always been there, always been a part of him. Even now, he could feel the presence lingering on the edges of his consciousness, savouring in his humiliation.

Something touched his arm. Gently, tentatively. He stopped with his fists against the wall, the skin broken and bleeding, streaks of red staining the metal and running down his arms. Dimly, he acknowledged wetness staining his cheeks, then opened his eyes to find the same tears falling down his mother's face.

She wrapped her arms around him, and he broke down, because the last time she'd hugged him, he'd been the same height, and he had to stoop now to rest his head on her shoulder like he'd done back then. When had she gotten so small? He felt huge like Chewie as she embraced him. He breathed in the long-forgotten but familiar scent of her, of comfort and safety. _Mother. Mama_.

"I don't know who I am," he sobbed.

She kissed his temple. "We'll figure it out."

"He's still there."

"I know."

"I'm a monster."

"You're my son. That's all that matters."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, not just to her, but to his father, too, hoping that there was some other place where Han's spirit had gone where he could hear the words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I am here to rip your hearts out  
> :)


	19. Lightsaber

It was with a smile of triumph that Rey held her mother's lightsaber aloft, the beam casting a red glow in the dim room. It had been the energy modulation circuits that had been damaged, probably by a surge of energy or a backflow. Leader Snoke wouldn't give her Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber back, and thus far she had been unable to retrieve it from him. Now that she had her mother's, though, she felt whole again.

Getting to her feet, she strode from the room. It was still early morning and not all of her knights had risen yet for the day. A presence just outside the temple told her that Aron was awake, though, which was just as well, because he was exactly who she had in mind for her test.

He was meditating in the early morning sunlight, and she sneered at his back, for why did he bother? While all of the original Knights of Ren had been force sensitive, it was not the case for their successors and descendants. Aron's abilities were mediocre at best, so pathetic that Leader Snoke hadn't even bothered to train him.

"Aron, come here," she ordered.

The knight hesitated before standing up and approaching, an action that was unacceptable. Should she call to him, he should come immediately or not at all.

"What is your bidding, my lady?" he asked. His mask didn't have a voice modulator and he was bad at hiding his fear of her. The fear was unacceptable as well, for if he couldn't even face her, how was he supposed to defend her against an enemy?

"Are you right or left-handed, Aron?" she asked.

Again, he hesitated, and her annoyance grew. "Why, my lady?"

"Don't question me. I will not ask you again."

"Right handed, my lady."

"Excellent. Hold out your hand."

The stupid idiot of course raised his left hand. Her irritation grew.

"Your right hand," she clarified, in a tone that said she'd make him very sorry if he disobeyed her again.

His hand was shaking as he obeyed her. In one quick motion, she ignited the saber and twisted it around, slicing neatly through his wrist. Aron's panicked, rising hysteria was punctuated by the thud of his severed hand hitting the ground. Screaming, he clutched his wrist, and she could feel his horror permeating the air around him. She relished it.

"Thank you. It appears my repairs were successful. You are relieved from my service permanently."

Turning away, she left him gasping on his his knees and strode back into the temple. Just inside the door were two others, Rothen and Vex, who had watched the scene from the shadows. That they hadn't intervened was a good sign, but their loyalty was far from proven. Until the moment they died for her, she'd never trust them. Not while Snoke lived.

"Take him to the command centre," she ordered, striding past them. "Perhaps they can find a use for him in the sanitation department."

_Come to me_.

She obeyed the voice only because she was going there anyway. Leader Snoke was sitting on his throne, as usual, when she entered the dark chamber, and his eyes followed her approach. There was approval in them, but she knew he didn't trust her. It was wise of him.

"Was Aron really so unworthy?" he asked. He thought she was planning on cutting them all down one by one. It wasn't a bad idea, really, if it came down to that, which it still might.

"He was not fit to serve me."

"And who do you deem fit? Kylo Ren?"

_Kylo_.

His name sent a thrill through her, the light side of the force pulling at her. She flooded the sensation with anger until it disappeared. "Of course."

Snoke's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "An Empress and the Master of her Knights of Ren. Just like your mother."

She glared up at him. "I am nothing like her."

"Indeed you are not. You are much more talented. Do you really think he is worthy of you? A touch from you sends him back to the light. That is weakness for you both."

"Perhaps."

"So you acknowledge your weakness. Good. Weakness must be cut out."

"I disagree. I can make him join me. He is sworn to serve me."

"Is he?" Snoke's voice was light. "Then where is he now?"

She swallowed, his words having been her thoughts for weeks now. Every night she laid awake in his bed, conflicting feelings preventing her from sleep. There was anger at him, and worry, and despair at herself that would turn back to conviction that she was doing the right thing. He should have been at her side regardless of what had happened. Where was he?

"I am sure there is a perfectly good reason for his absence," she replied.

"Do not delude yourself, my young apprentice," Snoke said, almost gently. "You know what his absence means. He doesn't love you. He never did."

His words were like a dagger in the chest. A part of her believed him. A part of her didn't.

"I've known Kylo for much longer than you have," he continued. "He was only using you for his own self-centred interests. When he comes, he'll be angry at you for taking his place. You'll see."

He wanted her to kill Kylo, and if he came to her and refused to serve her, then that was what needed to be done. The punishment for breaking his oath was death, and there was a good chance he'd already broken it, because it had been weeks since she'd left him and he still hadn't come to her. Why? Maybe Snoke was right.

"I will determine when if it is necessary to kill him," she replied. "Now shall we begin our training?"

Leader Snoke looked at her for a long moment, narrow-eyed and suspicious. He didn't like being ordered around, which was exactly why she did it. This was her home and they were her knights, and she was in charge. He could train her or he could leave.

He raised a hand, decrepit yet carrying so much power within it. "Raise your lightsaber, Kira."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want Rey to build her own lightsaber yet as I don't feel she's ready, but I did want her to find a kyber crystal not only for future use but something of her family/mother's that she could take and make something good from one day.
> 
> Also happy to report that the reunion is nigh! Next up: Things Happening.


	20. Escape

Hands grabbed him in the dead of night.

Kylo was halfway through a force push when he realized it was his mother, who put a finger to his lips and then began rapidly unshackling his wrists and ankles. "They're talking about executing you," she whispered. "You need to go. Now."

He hesitated, the thought crossing his mind that maybe he deserved to be executed. He'd done terrible things and would never be able to live in normal society again. Dying would be the easiest way out for everyone.

Leia pressed his lightsaber into his hands. He couldn't see her face in the dark, but her voice held a stubborn tone to it that he knew well. It was probably a good thing she'd never pursued Jedi training, because she would have made a formidable dark side user with that commanding tone and utter determination.

"You're not going anywhere until I get at least one grandchild," she said, yanking on his arm. "Now get moving."

She led him down a dimly lit bunker hallway, the place clearly used for storage. Containers were haphazardly stacked along the walls, some opened with contents spilling out, others empty. He wondered where the guards had gone, and got his answer when they stepped outside and came face to face with two men carrying blasters.

"General," the first one said, "Hoh and Garret left their post an hour early. What's going on?"

Leia waved a hand. "You'll go back to the barracks and go to sleep."

The man blinked. "We'll go back to the barracks and go to sleep," he repeated, and promptly trotted off, the second man following.

Kylo was gobsmacked. His mother turned to him with a smug smile. "Luke taught me that," she said. "Don't tell anyone. Come on."

She led him out to the _Falcon_ , parked on the outskirts of the base, and he found himself unable to go any further. He stopped with the toe of one boot on the gangplank, memories of his father flying through his mind in rapid succession. Being walked into the ship as a toddler. Playing Dejarik with Uncle Chewie. Han showing him how to fly.

"Ben, come on," Leia said, tugging on his arm. "We don't have much time."

He walked into the ship with a wave of sadness that melted into irritation when Uncle Luke and FN-2187 – _Finn,_ he grudgingly corrected- appeared, along with Artoo.

Kylo shook his head. "They can't come."

"Rey's my friend," Finn spoke up. "If you're going to get her, I'm coming."

"Who said we're going to get her?" He looked to his mother, who looked completely unapologetic.

"I don't have time to argue," she said. "The longer you stay, the more likely it is that they'll catch you. And me."

His mind ticked over the options before him. Going after Rey and Leader Snoke presented two possible outcomes: his redemption or his death. He wasn't sure he wanted either, but both were far more enticing than going on the run for the rest of his life or being executed. And with his mother now implicated in the crime of aiding and abetting a murderer, it took him exactly two seconds to decide to betray the First Order.

"They're on Rakata Prime," he said, the words grating as they emerged, their betrayal cementing his path in life now. "He occupies the Temple of the Ancients."

His mother and uncle exchanged a glance. "Thank you," Leia said. "We'll plan an attack, and you..." She paused, swallowing like she was fighting tears. "You go and get her, Ben. Bring her home."

He nodded, and they both hesitated for a long moment before embracing. Leia turned to Luke afterward, planting her hands on her hips.

"Don't you dare die. I still need my brother. Got it?"

His uncle smiled. "I'll do my best."

"Good. When it's over, I'll meet you on Endor."

They embraced, and then his mother turned away.

"Mom," Kylo heard himself saying, and she turned to look back at him. "May the force be with you."

Her eyes filled with tears. "May the force be with you, Ben. Kylo. And may your father be with you, too."

When she was gone, Luke looked at him. "I hope you remember how to fly this thing," he said, and then followed Finn down the hallway to the lounge, with Artoo trailing along behind. Kylo turned down the cockpit corridor and stopped in his tracks when he saw his Uncle Chewie in the copilot's seat.

They hadn't spoken since Han's death, and Kylo felt guilty now as he moved silently into the pilot's seat, a place he didn't deserve.

"You'll implicate yourself," he told the Wookiee, hands skimming over the controls.

Uncle Chewie warbled a reply.

"Of course I can fly it alone," he scoffed. "Nobody's going to believe I took a Wookiee and a Jedi hostage."

Another series of howls, this time not so polite.

"Fine. Have it your way."

He grasped the controls and the ship rose into the air. He made one mistake, two, both earning him a scolding from Chewie, before finding familiarity again. They flew out of the atmosphere without incident, and when they reached space, he was hit by a wave of sadness and regret. They were feelings that would plague him for the rest of his life, he knew, and though he also knew that no words could make them better, he said them anyway.

"Uncle Chewie?" His hand hovered over the lever that would send them into hyperspace. "I'm sorry."

The Wookiee reached out and patted his shoulder, and Kylo sent the stars streaking around them. He knew it would never be okay, but the warm paw said he was loved anyway.

It was a long journey through hyperspace, and they paused at Jakku while Artoo calibrated the hyperspace route to Rakata Prime, uploaded from his archival database. Kylo spent the short time observing the golden planet below, thinking of all the times he'd passed by it never knowing that Rey was below, struggling through a life that would one day intertwine with his own.

He was worried about her. It had been weeks now that she'd been with Snoke, and while he was sure she could have resisted the dark side for any length of time if she wanted, he wasn't sure she did want that. Her desire for belonging and her lost family was what was really tempting her, and if he had any chance at all of saving her, he somehow had to make her see that she had to let that go.

Chewie, sensing his worry, growled a reassurance at him.

"I hope so," he replied. "How's it going, Artoo?"

With the usual amount of sass, the droid informed him that it would be ten more minutes. Leaving the cockpit, Kylo went in search of Uncle Luke, who he found meditating in the lounge. Finn was off napping in the crew quarters, and Kylo took the chance to discuss his plans with Luke. They relayed the hyperspace route back to Leia, and then it was time to go.

After another long journey, this time into the Unknown Regions, they came out of hyperspace at the blue and green orb that was Rakata Prime. Almost immediately, Kylo was hailed by the _Finalizer_ , in orbit around the planet after withdrawing from Coruscant with the rest of the fleet.

"This is Kylo Ren," he answered the commander, in a tone that dared the man to argue with him. "My destination is the command centre and my clearance code is 11-UV23Y."

There was a long silence, which could only mean that they were clearing it with someone higher up, probably Hux, who was likely on the surface. After several minutes, the voice came on again.

"Proceed to docking bay one, Sir."

As Kylo guided the ship down, his thoughts were consumed by Rey. He could feel her there, so close to him now, and something was very wrong. What had Snoke done to her? He had to get to her, and quickly. Immediately.

In the hangar bay, he found Hux and a unit of stormtroopers waiting for him, all of whom raised their blasters and leveled them at Kylo and his companions as they exited the Falcon. Kylo had more important things to do than deal with them right now.

"Excellent," he said, walking toward them without breaking his stride. "Seize them."

There was a stunned silence, and then a roar of protest from behind him.

"Hey!" Finn shouted. "No!"

"Set to stun!" Hux ordered, as blaster fire erupted and the unit moved to secure Luke, Finn, and Chewie. Kylo could feel the betrayal rolling through them and kept walking. Chewie was roaring obscenities at his back. Several troopers went flying.

"Get off me!" Finn was shouting. "Kylo Ren, you liar! We trusted you! Trait-"

The shouts were cut off, and Kylo glanced back only once to see both Chewie and Finn out cold on the floor. Luke stood silently, his eyes meeting Kylo's, his expression closed. Kylo turned away.

_Good_ , a familiar voice said, piercing his mind. _Come to me._

"Where's the girl?" Kylo asked, falling into step beside Hux.

"At the temple, with the Supreme Leader," the man replied. "We need to discuss the loss of Coruscant-"

"Military matters are not my concern," Kylo replied dismissively, and turned down a side hall, leaving Hux behind. He could feel the man's annoyance and fury, but his mind was already on his next objective.

_Kill her_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK (or maybe it is?)


	21. Rakata Prime

_Kill him_.

Rey stalked down the stone hallway, her knights following. Kylo Ren was here, and if he wasn't prepared to join her, then he was going to die by her hand. There were doubts nagging at the back of her mind, making her second guess whether she actually had it in her to carry out her plans, but she pushed them away, focusing on the anger within her instead.

Outside, the bright light momentarily blinded her, but her eyes quickly adjusted. When they did, they found Kylo striding over from the direction of the command centre, lightsaber in hand. He stopped when he spotted her, waiting on the edge of the jungle, eyes fixed on her. He was very still. For a moment she stood staring back at him, their eyes meeting across the distance, a river of emotions threatening to break through the dam she'd built in her mind to contain them.

She had to focus. Taking a deep breath, she channelled her anger until it was all she felt.

"He's mine," she told her knights, and stalked forward.

His eyes widened slightly when she ignited the red blade of the lightsaber. He walked forward to meet her, stopping a few metres away. There was something different about him, a softening of his demeanor despite his expression looking as impassive and closed as ever. Maybe it was the sunlight.

"You're here," she said.

"Rey, this isn't you," he said, making no move to approach her further. He didn't want to engage her in fighting, or else he was keeping back in order to give himself the advantage of the attack. Either way, she didn't like it.

_Kill him!_ the voice in her mind screamed.

"You've been weakened," she said. "Will you serve me?"

"Rey." She could sense his horror. "This isn't the way. Come with me."

"This is my place. This is my family."

He shook his head. "No it's not. Life is a journey, Rey. And yours brought you to people who love you. It brought you Luke and Finn and me and my parents. If you stay here, you'll become the monster that he turned your mother into. That he turned me into."

The words, his hypocrisy, sent a wave of hatred through her. "I'm nothing like you. You killed Han. Your own father."

"I know," he replied. He was pleading with her, begging her to remember something that was tangled in a haze of pain and anger. "I know, and I regret it and if I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. No amount of apologies will make it better, not for me or you or my family, but I am sorry. That's for me to live with for the rest of my life. Don't make that same mistake. Rey, you're strong and kind and smart. That's who you are. Not this. You're the girl who hid in my ship and decided to become my accomplice, but became my friend instead. And lover. Remember that night we spent together, Rey? How it felt? I know you felt it, too."

For a fraction of a second, she faltered, but again shoved it away, letting the dark side flow through her. "Will you return to my side or not?" she demanded.

"No." He shook his head. "Not like this."

"Then you shouldn't have come here!" she snarled. "Now you'll die!"

"I came back for you," he said. "To save you. Rey-"

She ran at him, lightaber raised over her head, meeting his on the downward swing. Like their other duels, his blows were designed to deflect and disarm, which put him at a disadvantage that she intended to use. Beating him back several paces, she very nearly landed a blow on his shoulder, but he dodged left and attacked, this time beating her back several paces.

"I know he's telling you to kill me," he panted, as she paced backward, barely blocking his heavy, quick blows. "He's saying it to me, too. Only I won't. You know I won't-"

"Because you're weak!" She threw all her weight behind her swing, her lightsaber clashing hard with his. Just like that, she had the upper hand again, and she relished it and so did the dark voice in her mind.

"Rey, you can stop this," he said, ducking another swing.

"I know," she replied with a snarl, swinging her blade downward toward his neck, which he blocked. Locking sabers with her, he threw his weight backward, the move an attempt to disarm her. Her swing went awry, but she attacked again immediately.

"Stop," he said. "I know you're angry-"

"I am angry!" she screamed, beating him back several paces. "I was taken from my home and left to scrimp and starve alone on a planet because my father was weak! Because Luke Skywalker was too afraid of me to take me on! Because-"

He blocked another blow, backing away, not moving beyond the defensive in his fighting style. It enraged her. She wanted him to attack her, damn it. She wanted to hurt, to rage, to make him bleed and burn.

"I don't belong anywhere or to anyone!" she screamed. "I only have this!"

She swung and they came together; he grabbed hold of her wrist and furiously, she grabbed hold of his, and like their very first duel she tried to force his lightsaber into the dirt. The difference was, though, that this time he wasn't injured, and she had to fight just as hard to keep her own from being forced down, the result being that they were locked in a battle neither could possibly win. They struggled with each other for several seconds, and then Kylo's grip on her wrist tightened, making her hand tingle. She gritted her teeth and gripped her lightsaber harder, but making her drop it wasn't what he had in mind.

"That's not true," he said, wrenching her forward. "There's this."

Her body crashed against his, the contact searing her. Something flickered in her mind.

"And this."

He kissed her, and for a split second, she melted into him, the kiss piercing the fury in her mind, the light side of the force breaking through and calling out to her. Then she was throwing him back in a surge of strength, and his lightsaber was falling from his fingers as she struck it from his hand with one swift blow.

She called it to her, it landing firmly in her hand as he fell back, then scrambled to his knees. She stepped towards him, breath hissing through her teeth. The rage in her mind was abruptly overrun by a strong sense of déjà vu.

It was his eyes that shot a ray of light into the darkness she was drowning in. They'd always been striking, dark, full of malice and intensity and mystery, and now they were full of sorrow. The moment her lightsaber swung toward his neck, three thoughts happened at once: one, the world suddenly grew wider, the beauty of the greenery and distant water striking her as too beautiful for such cruelty. The second thing was that the cruelty was coming from her, and it terrified her. She'd never been more afraid of anything in her life in that moment than she was of herself.

The third thing was that she'd seen this moment before, had gone chasing after its meaning which had ultimately led her to him.

Everything changed. His eyes... they looked upon her with pity, with disappointment. They locked upon hers as her lightsaber came to a screeching halt mere inches from dealing a killing blow to his neck.

He closed his eyes, chest heaving.

"Rey," he said.

The vision... it had never been one of her striking down an enemy. It had been of him saving her from the darkness.

She gasped for breath like she was drowning.

The dam in her mind broke, the emotions flooding out. What had she done? She'd let anger and the dark side cloud her judgment from the moment she'd found out about her mother. In her determination to finish Snoke at all costs, she hadn't factored his manipulation or her own demise into the matter. She'd been willing to kill Kylo, and maybe she could have if she still looked upon him as the monster she'd met in the woods on Takodana. But not when he looked upon her with pity. Not at the cost of her own soul.

Not when he'd brought so much light into her life.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped, falling to her knees beside him, tossing aside their lightsabers. He slumped backwards, laying with arms outstretched, breathing heavily. She fell beside him, her mind in turmoil over her actions, but her focus shifting to him.

He'd come back for her.

They lay under the cloudless sky together, side by side, panting, exhausted from the duel. The light side of the force blazed through her with the brightness of a thousand suns, while in stark contrast his presence beside her was a flickering flame, a small light trying to invade the pervasive darkness. Reaching out, she placed her hand over his. There was still so much conflict within him, and she found that she did want to save him after all. It was for selfish reasons but she didn't care, because she loved him and didn't want to lose him.

"You came back for me," she said, between breaths.

He didn't withdraw his hand. She felt the flame grow just a little within him, but the darkness pushed back, unwilling to let him go.

"Of course I did."

"You're struggling. I can feel it."

"This place isn't good for me. Embracing the light won't fix things."

"Come back."

She needed him to do it, to somehow find a way to make it work, because she needed him and wasn't willing to let him go. He'd come back for her, and in turn the only way she could repay him was to not give up on him. He'd saved her, and she could save him, too.

"I'm trying," he said. "It's not your job to save me."

"I know. I'm asking you to save yourself."

He was worth saving. Maybe he didn't believe it, but she did. Rolling, she rose over him and placed her lips to his, the light side of the force swelling through her. In turn she felt it flicker through him. He really was trying, but whatever had happened, the dark side was still with him. He moved a hand to her waist, his other one coming up to cup her cheek as she withdrew.

"You're worth saving," she said. "Come back."

He sat up, hands steadying her as she climbed off him. In unison, they looked toward the temple, where the knights had disappeared. They'd gone back to Snoke. Of course they had, because they'd never been hers. Grabbing Kylo's hand, she pulled him to his feet. After retrieving their lightsabers, he tugged her toward the shuttle, still sitting silent neat the edge of the jungle.

"Wait," she said, having to double her pace to keep up with his long strides as he hurried toward the ship. She couldn't leave without her things. "We can't go yet."

"We're not," he replied. "We're waiting."

"For what?"

He led her inside and sealed the door behind them. "The airstrike. Luke should have the shields down soon."

She found herself staring. "He's here? You really are trying."

A hint of a smile briefly appeared. "Yes. Luke, Chewie, Finn, and Artoo. As soon as they get out of lockup with the codes I gave Luke, they'll get the shields down and the airstrike will begin. That's when we go for Snoke. It's better if he's distracted."

She blinked at him, trying to process this new information. "Where have you been?"

"I actually have no idea, but they found me on Coruscant after you left me. With a concussion, I might add."

"Oh... whoops."

He laughed and took her hands, pulling him against her. She tipped her head up and he kissed her, long and slow, his hands skimming loose strands of hair back from her face and then moving to wrap around her waist. He led her to the crew's relief quarters, where the bunks were too small for them both so he laid a couple of blankets on the floor instead and drew her down. His tenderness struck a chord inside her, and she suddenly found herself in tears, sobs tearing through her body. He pulled her tight against him, flinging one leg over hers, wrapping himself around her like he could shield her from her own pain.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I just wanted to belong to someone. To something. I have memories of this place, and it hurts so much-"

"I know."

"-and he tortured me and everything was desolate. Everything he said was true."

"He does that," Kylo said, pulling her tighter against him. "I fell for it, too. But you have to remember that things may seem true but only from a certain point of view. I know you'll never have the family you envisioned, but you have so many others who care and who aren't willing to let you go or give up on you."

"Including you?"

"Including me," he confirmed. "I didn't lie when I said I came back to save you."

He'd come back for her, and so had Luke, Chewie, Finn, and even Artoo. They were calling in an airstrike, partly for her, because Leia loved her, too. That made her cry all over again, because she did belong to someone after all, and she knew that they'd always come back for her. They'd never leave her alone.

Tipping her head up, she kissed him. "We found the light in each other before," she said. "Help me find it again?"

"Anything," he said.

He rolled her beneath him, taking her arms and stretching them above her head, then kissing his way down the tender skin, lingering on various scars and bruises that he came across. Then he kissed the drying tears on her cheeks, and paused at her mouth, tongue delving between her lips like he'd kissed her a hundred times. A sigh escaped her as he moved his attentions to the sensitive skin of her neck.

They paused then to discard their clothes, laughing at the layers between them and turning serious again as they disappeared. With nothing left between them, he picked up right where he left off, leaving light, open-mouthed kissed along her collarbones, trailing his lips down to her breasts, where he paused to give them their due attention. She found her breath escaping her with the barest hint of a moan as he flicked his tongue over her nipples, sending waves of pleasure through her body.

"What are you doing to me?" she whispered, another moan escaping her.

"I've been locked up with a great deal of time to think," he murmured, moving on to kiss his way down her body. "So I'm doing everything."

Ecstasy turned to alarm as his lips moved down past her bellybutton and she realized what he was intending. Sensing it, he paused at her lower belly, kissing her there, and across to both hips, his hands smoothing over her legs, drawing them gently farther apart. Then he moved to one knee, and then the other, and up along the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, and by then she'd relaxed again and found that she very badly wanted him to do exactly what he did, which was to put his mouth on the most sensitive, wet parts between her legs.

"Oh," she gasped, as tongue and lips slid over her, turning her very suddenly into a panting, quivering mess.

"Is that okay?" he murmured, sliding his tongue up her folds to the sensitive bud near the top.

In reply, she tangled her fingers in his hair, keeping him there, hips rising against his mouth as he flicked and kissed and sucked. In short order she reached her release, hands gripping his hair as her body shook and quivered, a shaky moan escaping her. She swore he was smiling as he kissed his way back up, and confirmed it when he kissed her. His eyes were glowing like he was incredibly pleased with himself.

"You certainly did have a lot of time to think," she said, kissing him again.

"You have no idea," he replied, groaning as her tongue slid between his lips to tangle with his. They kissed slowly, and then abruptly he pulled back to look at her again. He touched her face, his own expression suddenly very serious, eyes dark and intense.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I'm a liar," he said wearily. "I _do_ love you."

"Good," she replied, her heart singing as the words sunk in. "Because I'm a liar, too."

He stared back at her in amazement, then shook his head and laughed. Moving off her, he turned on his side, and at his urging she did, too, shifting until her back was spooned to his front. She shivered when she felt his lips grazing her shoulder, planting hot, open-mouthed kisses along to her neck, making her moan softly. With his hand on her hip, he moved closer, positioning himself at her entrance.

"Arch your back –there," he said, as she did as asked, and he pushed inside her. She sighed as he filled her, felt loved cradled against him like this.

"Is this what you thought about?" she murmured.

With a chuckle, he kissed her shoulder, his hips starting to move. "The cot in my cell was very small," he replied. "I imagined it exactly like this."

He began to make love to her, his thrusts slow and unhurried, both of them savouring the feeling. He pressed his lips to her shoulder, kissed her neck, too, and gently nipped at her earlobe, his voice low in her ear as his hips moved with hers.

"Can you feel that? It feels like the whole universe is inside us."

She came undone all over again, crying out in his arms as release shook through her, hearing his gasp in her ear as his own took him. He pressed his head into the place between her shoulder and her neck as it did, nipping her there with his teeth like he had during their first time together.

Afterward, she turned to face him again and they held each other. The light in him was stronger, and in her as well. She clung to it, the dark side crumbling away and leaving nothing but peace and hope.

"I love you," she said softly, reaching up to trace her finger along the lightsaber scar on his face.

"And I you," he replied. He paused. "I don't deserve you, you know."

"Let me be the one to decide that."

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips, his eyes on hers. "Rey," he said, like her name was the most beautiful thing in the world.

"Are you ready to face him?" she asked.

"Yes. I think so."

Both of them raised their heads as a low whine came from above, passing by outside. Something exploded in the distance.

The Resistance was here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe "I'm a liar" can be our "I know" *wipes tear from eye*
> 
> Sorry for stressing you all out with the cliffhanger but look! Fluff to make up for it! And smut! Yay! :D


	22. Grey

A chill ran through Kylo when they emerged from the shuttle to find Snoke standing outside the temple, silently waiting like he'd been there the whole time. Kylo had never seen him outside before, and the light upon him was unflattering, his skin pasty grey and the light making it look as if it were melting.

"Where are the knights?" Rey asked. Above them, the Resistance fighters were engaged with TIE fighters and making hits on the command centre where they could.

"I sent them to kill your friends," Snoke replied, striding forward. His movements were graceful and easy, like those of a young man and in sharp contrast to his otherwise skeletal appearance. "You're both failures."

Lightsaber in hand, Kylo moved forward to meet him, with Rey close behind. The dark lord's eyes glimmered with malice, anticipating Kylo's attack. A trickle of doubt slid into Kylo's mind, the whole scene so much like their many years of training that it could have been just another day. Of all those encounters, he'd only come close to striking Snoke a handful of times, all of them moments where his hatred for the predator had made him want to kill him. There was nothing different now except for the intensity of the conflict within him.

Snoke raised a hand, and before Kylo could attack, a tendril of darkness pierced his mind, the evil face before him twisting itself with a slimy smile as the monster invaded his mind. Resisting, Kylo focused on pushing the tendril out, even as it branched and grew, unlocking all the carefully compartmentalized doors in his head, unleashing his inner fears and every angry memory going back to childhood.

"Rey," Kylo managed, through clenched teeth, still locked in a battle of wills in his brain. "Go. Now."

"Kylo?" He felt her hand on his arm, but he couldn't look away from Snoke.

"Go!" he screamed. "Get out of here, Rey! Go!"

"I'm not going anywhere," she replied, in the same self-assured, stubborn tone she'd used in the interrogation room, a memory that seemed so long ago now.

She charged Snoke, and in Kylo's attempt to follow her, his resistance to the penetration of his mind faltered, the dark tendrils unleashing the dark side within him. Screaming, he watched as Rey was flung backward, body skidding and tumbling along the ground and coming to rest several metres away in a crumpled heap. The anger that came over Kylo then was real, at Snoke, at his own weakness, at the battle raging in the sky above, at everything.

The dark side held onto him, still screamed with claws tearing into his soul, unwilling to let him go. And he realized then that a part of him didn't want it to let go. Perhaps he would have stayed locked in that in-between, conflicted place forever if Rey hadn't raised her head and slammed her hands to the ground, pushing herself to her knees and then her feet.

"Let him go!"

Her words had echoed through the air and through his mind, but more startling was the absolute conviction behind them. Snoke flicked her aside again like a fly buzzing around his ear, and the moment she hit the ground, the tendrils in Kylo's mind solidified into a mass of darkness and power.

_Kill her._

His hand rose. A fog of darkness, hatred, and fury filled his mind, and he turned toward her as she struggled to her feet again.

He remembered several things at once, all of them disgusting to the presence invading his mind: the little girl in the hallway of the temple on Yavin IV, telling him that her name was classified. Rey sleeping peacefully in the stone hut on Ach-to. The sight of her looking up at him through the rain on Daluuj after he'd killed for her. The firelight in her eyes on Ord Mantell. The amazement on her face as she watched the hologram of her mother on Coruscant. The feel of her in his arms not half an hour before as they found the light within each other again.

_Not her._

The words came from the light, and suddenly he'd shifted to the side of that in-between place, and the invading claws of darkness lost their hold on his mind a little. And he was throwing himself forward with the same conviction her words had held, certain in his purpose.

_Kill her!_

He could feel Snoke's tendrils of evil pushing back into his mind, trying to force him to obey the command. Inside, Ben Solo started screaming.

_Not her!_

He could have suffered the deaths of everyone he held dear. But not her. Not Rey.

He was screaming the words as he raised his lightsaber and attacked Snoke, whose hold on his mind slipped as he deflected the attack. With each swing, Kylo felt the claws loosen and the screaming tendrils of darkness slip from him as Snoke withdrew. The shadow passed from his mind, leaving sunlight streaming in. Kylo turned towards it, stopping in his tracks as a voice he hadn't heard in years came to him.

_Ben..._

Something shifted inside him, a stone settling into the bottom of a pool of water, fixed there by the gravel beneath and the water above, serene and peaceful in the spot where it belonged. Something inside him sang. This felt right, this horizon between dark and light. There was no conflict here, no push and pull, only equality. No dark and light. Grey. Somewhere in between.

Shocked, his hand dropped and he met the eyes of the evil before him.

"I always knew you were weak," Snoke sneered. "You could have had the galaxy, and you choose her. You are nothing, Kylo Ren. And you, Kira Palpatine. You could have been Empress."

Rey had come up to stand beside Kylo, lightsaber pointing at the old man. "I don't want to be Empress," she said, through clenched teeth. "And my name is _Rey._ "

With that, she grabbed Kylo's arm and pulled him away. He stumbled after her, looking back at the evil man standing there letting them leave when he could have killed them. He should have killed them, but he made no move to do so. And of course he wouldn't, because killing one would turn the other against him, and they were too valuable to both kill. Skywalker and Palpatine. Each the last of their line.

"He won't kill us," Rey said, taking his hand. "He still wants us. He still needs one of us for his plans."

He could feel the depth of Snoke's rage as they moved away, but his silence was worse. So much worse. At the edge of the jungle, his ancient, grotesque voice finally called out to them, uttering the only possible words that could have drawn Kylo back:

_"I will come for your children."_

Kylo's hand slipped from Rey's, and before he knew what he was doing, he was charging at the predator who had stolen his life. Force lighting erupted from Snoke's raised hands, and Kylo raised his lightsaber to absorb it, channelling both the light and the dark side of the force to do so. Love for Rey. Hatred for Snoke. Like this, using both, he was powerful. More powerful than he'd ever been in his life.

Kylo walked towards him, lightsaber absorbing the force lightning, which Snoke intensified as he approached. The blue energy of the lightning swirled around the red of Kylo's saber, and then all at once, there was a sizzling sound as the extra energy overwhelmed the unstable design and the lightsaber exploded in his hand. With a yell, he dropped it, and for a split second the lightning hit him before shifting to Rey, who despite a valiant attempt at absorbing it was soon screaming and writhing on the ground.

There was nothing to do but die. Realizing it, Kylo ran at Snoke, hell bent on strangling the life from him with his bare hands even if it meant his own death. Rey's screams filled his ears, and Snoke's face was alight with madness. That was when Kylo spotted a glimmer of metal at Snoke's belt, partly concealed by his robes. Throwing out a hand, Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber hurled through the air towards Kylo so quickly that it shocked him, landing firmly in his hand like it was meant to be there all along.

Igniting the blade, he charged at Snoke, the lightning turning on him again, but this time it was too late. He swung the blade, the blue lighting ceasing as his lightsaber cut through Snoke's neck, the distorted, grotesque head tumbling to the ground as the body toppled. The head landed face up after a roll, the eyes still dark with malice after death.

Kylo collapsed to his knees, tears running down his face, hands and body shaking with the knowledge that the dark voice that had whispered to him for as long as he could remember was gone. Gone. He had no idea who he was without it, but he knew that Ben Solo hadn't died after all, that he was alive and living alongside Kylo Ren in a perfect balance of dark and light.

He turned, scrambling back to where Rey lay, fearful that she was dead even though he still felt her force signature. Laying a shaking hand to her neck, he found a pulse there. She was alive. Out cold, but alive.

Relief flooded through him, and he knelt beside her, his mind and body exhausted. Like a castaway washed up from a storm at sea, he sat raw and aching, with nothing to occupy his thoughts but the sunlight dancing through the trees, and the fading battle chasing through the sky above that.

Rey stirred beside him. A hand reached out, groping, and grasped his arm. He took her hand in both of his.

"Kylo?" she mumbled.

"Here."

"Did we win?"

"Yes."

"I'm so cold."

"It will pass. I promise."

He leaned over her, reaching out to cup her face and finding it warm and thrumming with life. She opened her eyes and smiled up at him, reaching up to trace a finger along the scar bisecting his face, given to him so long ago. Smoothing a few stray hairs back from her face, he bent and kissed her.

They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't hear the others approach. Hands grabbed Kylo roughly, hauling him off Rey so suddenly that he had only a split second to be afraid before being yanked into a blubbering Chewie's arms. On the ground, Rey was laughing.

"I'm sorry," Kylo said, his face full of fur. "I had to be convincing."

Chewie roared and hugged him so tightly that he thought his ribs would break.

Beside him, Finn pulled Rey up, jerking his head toward Kylo. "So this guy, huh?"

"Him," Rey confirmed, her eyes meeting Kylo's.

Finn pulled her in for a hug. "I'm not saying I approve. I mean, the guy's got to work on his communication skills."

"How'd it go?" Kylo asked, turning to Luke after Chewie finally released him.

"We had a little hiccup deactivating the shields, but everything else went smoothly," Luke replied. "As smoothly as it could have, anyway. The ground units are securing the place and General Hux and the Knights of Ren are in custody."

"Good." He nodded toward Snoke's crumpled body. "We need to burn that. Can't be too careful."

Luke nodded, and beside him, Artoo beeped his agreement as well. "Yes, that seems like a wise idea," Luke said.

While they gathered the necessary materials, Rey and Finn went into the temple, coming out carrying a wooden trunk between them, the one containing all her childhood things. It took some time to gather enough wood for a funeral pyre, so while they did, Rey and Finn went and got the _Millennium Falcon_ from the command centre. By the time they returned with it, Snoke's body was burning, the putrid black smoke rising high into the sky. After loading the trunk onto the ship, Rey came to stand at Kylo's side, taking his hand.

"We should go," Luke said. "Leia will be waiting."

Rey tugged Kylo toward the ship with the others, but he drew her back, pulling her into his arms. She melted against him like she belonged there, and he couldn't help but think that he didn't deserve love from her, not after everything he'd done. He had so many sins to atone for, the first of which he could accomplish immediately.

"Go with them," he said, voice low, as they embraced. "I need to make a stop first."

"If you think I'm not going with you, you're crazy," she replied, then looked back at the others. "We'll meet you there. We have a stop to make first."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So by this point in the story I wasn't really sure who deserved to kill Snoke more: Rey or Kylo. In the end, though, given how long and personal the damage was that Snoke inflicted on him, I decided it had to be Kylo. He needed to find the grey area, the balance within him where he is most powerful and finally able to defeat him. After that, kicking his ass was a breeze.
> 
> Fun fact: in the draft of this fic, this was the scene where Reylo's first kiss took place. I was gonna slow burn the crap out of this story but then Things Happened. I like this version better, with them making out and Chewie all GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT
> 
> Just a couple more chapters to wrap things up and then we're done!


	23. Name

The _Finalizer_ was crippled and abandoned, floating dead in orbit around Rakata Prime. Rey thought it was a shame. Not only was it a beautiful ship, but the salvage alone was worth a massive sum. Surely it could be repaired, if the damage wasn't too extensive. It would be a damned shame to let it go to waste.

She glanced at Kylo as he guided the command shuttle into one of the docking bays. He had been strangely quiet on the trip up. His expression was peaceful, only a small crease between his brows as he set the ship down. When it was done, he took his hands from the controls and sighed, then caught her looking at him.

"What?" he asked. His eyes were bright, his lips slightly upturned. This was the Kylo she'd seen glimpses of during their most tender moments. There was an air of peace around him now.

"I like watching you fly," she replied. She paused. "Are you okay?"

In response, he reached out a hand, and she rose and took it, finding herself pulled into his lap. Linking his arms around her, he sat back, his eyes on the view outside the cockpit window. She shifted so that she was comfortable, leaning against him contentedly.

"I think so," he replied. "I've never felt like this before. I found a balance while fighting him. Light and dark. All my life he's been inside my head, trying to pull me to the dark side. Now he's gone and for the first time I don't feel torn apart. I feel peace here, in the middle. In the grey area. It's... different. You saved me, Rey. You were my pull to the light. To this place."

"You saved me, too," she said softly, playing with the seam of his cowl, unable to meet his gaze for some reason. "I had this vision. More than once. You were on your knees in front of me, looking up at me with this look of pity. Of sorrow. It never made sense to me until the moment it happened. The force showed me the moment that you saved me."

He touched her chin, tipping her head up to look at him. He kissed her lightly, slowly, and she linked her arms around his neck, snuggling closer to him when they broke apart. All she wanted to do was to be close to him, forever.

"So does this mean I should call you Ben now?" she teased.

"I am both," was his reply, and it made a kind of sense. "Are you still cold?"

"A little, but this helps."

He sat up, letting go of her to reach up and pull the cowl off over his head, setting it over hers instead and pulling the hood up, arranging it around her face. It was too big for her, but it was warm and smelled like him, and she sighed happily as he linked his arms around her again.

"I don't think, given my heritage, that I will ever touch the dark side again," she said. "Not with my family's history. Speaking of which... can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words. She'd been nameless for her entire life, but now that she knew who she was and had a place in the galaxy, it mattered.

"I don't know what to call myself," she said. "On the one hand, I could endure the prejudice and try to bring some good to my family's name. On the other hand, I think that Kira Palpatine ceased to exist when my father took me away from that fate."

He went very quiet, and she felt herself blush with the horrible thought that she was asking him to propose when they hadn't even worked out what they were yet. "Finn just picked a name," she babbled quickly, before he could speak. "He told me he's calling himself Finn Bacca. Chewie's apparently absolutely tickled by it. Personally I think it has a nice ring to it. For him, anyway. Rey Bacca sounds more like a disease, but I was thinking something more like the opposite of Palpatine, since that's what I am, and the only name I could think of is Skywalker, but I don't think Luke would ever go for that-"

"Why not?" he interrupted. He seemed amused by her rambling.

"Because of what the Emperor did to his parents. Because of what my mother did to his legacy."

"You're not them," he replied. "He knows that. You should ask him. He thinks of you as a daughter, you know. I think he'd be honoured. Besides, he has nobody else to pass the name to at the moment."

"Maybe he's looking in the wrong places for the right woman," she replied jokingly. "He should try the First Order prisoners. I hear Captain Phasma's single."

He laughed at that, and she made up her mind to ask Luke the next time she had a moment to do so. Maybe Kylo was right and he wouldn't mind. And if he declined, well... despite everything, despite who she was, she had a family. There was still sadness deep inside her that would always be there, but she was thankful for her friends, for Kylo and everyone who loved her.

"So," she said, leaning in and touching her nose to his. "Should I call you Ben behind closed doors, then?"

He caught her lips in a kiss. "You'd make me blush every time my mother addresses me," he murmured.

"All the more reason to do it," she teased.

"I like you in that hood."

"Good. Maybe you can take it off me later."

"I'd take if off you now if we weren't on a crippled Star Destroyer," he said. "Speaking of which, we should get this over and done with before the others think we've skipped systems on them."

She agreed, and after equipping themselves with emergency oxygen in case the life support systems failed, they left the shuttle, moving through the ship to his private quarters. She was surprised to see him pull an old brown rucksack out of a cabinet in the wall until he explained that he'd taken it when he'd left the temple. After retrieving the old detonator, which had rolled from the table and landed across the room, he disappeared into the alcove near the entrance, and when he reappeared, the rucksack was a lot bulkier.

"It really is a shame," she said, as they headed back to the shuttle. "Do you know how many portions a ship like this is worth? It could feed me for several lifetimes."

He cast her a sideways glance. "I could feed you for several lifetimes."

"You?" she teased. "Hardly. You're tall and muscular, certainly, but you'd hardly last a year."

"You know what I mean."

She did know, but she laughed off the subject. He didn't pursue it. They were still raw from the battle and there was still so much up in the air. She still needed to talk to Luke, and there were hard conversations he'd have to have as well. To think of him as _boyfriend_ made her both nervous and excited, but she wasn't quite ready to talk about it. Soon. But not yet.

"I know which part I'd eat first," she said.

"You're terrible," was the reply. She could see his cheeks redden and immediately decided that she liked making him blush.

"You weren't the only one with a lot of time to think, you know. Did I tell you that I slept in your bed?"

"Rey?"

"Yes?" she asked sweetly.

"I love you."

"I know," she replied happily. He stopped in his tracks and stared at her. "What?"

Letting out a short laugh, he shook his head. "Nothing. Come on, scavenger. You're going to love the forest moon."

They left for Endor, where her family was waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was important that Rey (and Finn! I thought Finn Bacca sounded really cool but maybe I'm just a huge dork) figures out that she has a place in this family and finds a name to go along with it. The belonging she's always wanted is with them.
> 
> Other than that, this chapter is just an excuse for fluff and FLIRTING REYLO YAS


	24. Endor

Kylo set his shuttle down beside the _Falcon_ , the trees rising up all around the old Imperial base. Outside, singing, laughter, and hooting could be heard from the trees, where little fires burned, hard to see in the afternoon light, but he could smell them. Rather than join the party, Kylo gave Rey's hand a squeeze and then walked away, alone, rucksack slung over his shoulder, its contents heavy.

The grave had been destroyed by the efforts to retrieve the mask. Yet another crime to add to the list of things that were his fault. After uncovering the litter of leaves and grasses and branches that had all but concealed it, Kylo gently placed the mask back in its place and began the slow process of reburying his grandfather.

It seemed right, somehow, to use his hands instead of the force. He moved the earth first with his hands, and then with a stick, and after awhile the task that should have been morbid was cathartic somehow. He found peace in righting this wrong he'd done, one of the few that he could fix.

When the remnants of Anakin Skywalker's body was again beneath the earth, he set about finding the stones that had once covered it. They were carelessly discarded all around, matted over with long grass from many seasons. He had to dig to find them, each one like finding a crystal in the sand. He laid each crystal with care upon the grave.

Then, sometime later, when the sun was low on the horizon, it was done. Dirt-covered and exhausted, fingernails all broken, he sat in the grass, arms linked around drawn-up knees, peace at the centre of his ravaged soul.

"You did well."

The voice came from his left, and he turned his head to see the ghostly apparition of his grandfather. It was the first time he'd seen him since his fall to the dark side, and the sight of him now filled him with hope. He couldn't say he was in the mood for another lecture, and was happy when that apparently wasn't what his grandfather had in mind.

"I finally found balance," Kylo said. "The cost was high, though. I'm not sure it was worth it."

"That is for you to decide," Anakin replied. "Don't seek to justify your actions. Own them. Accept them. Then find peace. You still have a chance at life, Ben. I never did. Cherish that. And her."

Kylo nodded, and his grandfather was gone. He sat by the grave for a long time, unable to find the strength to climb to his feet and go to his family, who were waiting for him. It was cowardly, he knew, but rejoining them was hard. He'd have to sit down with Luke at some point and talk about reaching a compromise on the Jedi Order, if his uncle was still willing to take him back. Kylo was cautiously optimistic, but there had been so many fights before, rehashing the same things. Back in his prison cell, though, Luke had brought up a willingness to let go of his adherence to the old rules, so maybe there was hope.

And the others who would be at the celebration, the friends... all he could imagine were accusing stares, expressions of disgust and disappointment on their faces. Maybe they still wanted to execute him. Who could blame them?

"Sku jeerota!" came a voice from behind him, and Kylo turned to see a little Ewok waddling towards him from the direction of the forest, because apparently nobody was interested in leaving him alone.

"Hello," he said, as the furry creature plopped himself down beside him like they were old friends. Maybe they were. They'd come here once during his childhood, so it was possible that he'd met this one before. At any rate, the creature wasn't afraid of Kylo's dark robes, though he should have looked threatening, even without the mask on.

The Ewok jabbered something and pointed at the grave, then patted Kylo's leg.

"Yes," he replied softly. "I made it right again. One thing, at least."

His new friend jabbered something else and pointed at his sack. Unable to hold back a smile, Kylo reached for it, intending to show him the old detonator, but when he opened it and saw his helmet, retrieved from where it had rolled under the console on the command shuttle, he changed his mind. He'd been of a mind to bury the thing somewhere, but maybe it could create happiness instead.

The Ewok let out an _oh_ of admiration when Kylo presented it to him. He hadn't forgotten the drums from his last visit, made from the helmets of fallen stormtroopers after the Battle of Endor and played often in Bright Tree Village.

"You can probably make more use of it than me," Kylo said, and indicated that the creature should take it.

"Gunda! Yubnub." His new friend gladly took it, spent a few seconds admiring it, then climbed to his feet and patted Kylo on the shoulder before all but throwing himself at him for a hug. Laughing, Kylo caught him and hugged him back, and then watched the Ewok waddle back toward the forest, helmet in hand, jabbering happily to himself the whole way.

The sun was below the trees now. It would be dark under the canopy and he thought he should probably start back. Perhaps if an Ewok could accept him, there was hope after all. At any rate, sitting in a meadow beside a grave all night was going to do nothing for his image in his mother's eyes. With a sigh, he moved to get up, but paused when he sensed a presence on the edge of the forest. How long had she been there?

"That was nice," Rey said, strolling out of the trees toward him. She was still wearing his cowl, the hood pulled up to frame her face prettily. "I think you made his day."

"How long have you been there?" he asked.

"I didn't want to interrupt your reunion." She reached him then, settling down beside him in the grass. "Are you okay?"

He put an arm around her, pulling her up against him. "I think so."

"Luke said yes," she said, and he could hear the delight in her voice. "I think he was actually excited about me using his name. You were right. He doesn't blame me for my family, and he still wants to train me."

"I told you it would be okay."

He watched as she reached down and unclipped the lightsaber from her belt, turning it over in her hands. "This was my mother's lightsaber. I think I'll take it apart. Maybe I can salvage something of it for my own."

"You can remove the darkness from the crystal and imbue it with light again," he told her. "The red crystals are synthetic. Made from yellow."

She smiled down at it. "Yellow. I like that. A double blade, I think."

"You'll be lethal with it." He nudged her. "I always thought that, you know."

She nudged him back. "You've never seen me in action with my staff, have you?"

Frowning, he tried to recall if he had, and failed. "I don't believe so, no."

"Noted," she said, with a chuckle, tucking the lightsaber away again. He found himself smiling, too.

Silence fell between them. It was nearly full dark now, and his mother would be waiting.

"I think I'll use this one for awhile," he said, unclipping his grandfather's lightsaber from his belt and holding it in both hands. "It finally came to me. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. Actually, I think it was meant for you all along."

She climbed to her feet then, offering him a hand up, which he took after hooking the lightsaber back on his belt beside the other one. Reaching out, he took her other hand as well, looking down at her in the dim light. In the distance, the sounds of a party could be heard somewhere up in the trees, the light from bonfires now visible, looking like stars dotted amongst the forest.

Their eyes met. He searched her face for a sign that he was reading the situation right, that she truly did love him and want to be with him. He hadn't spoken to Luke yet, after all, and there was still the possibility that he could be tried and executed, and maybe he'd have to go into hiding somewhere and he couldn't possibly ask her to put up with any of those things. Suddenly he was flustered, cheeks growing warm, and he almost decided that it was better just to leave the subject alone when, without breaking her gaze, she brought the back of his hand up to her lips and kissed it.

"Am I-?" He let out a nervous breath. "I just want to be sure that I'm reading this right and not delusional."

"You are." She cleared her throat. "Reading it right, I mean."

"Rey, I probably can't live in any normal society again."

"So? Hopefully we'll both be with Luke, and you know how good he is at hiding. We'll make it work."

Even so, he couldn't quite bring himself to believe it. "You truly want to be with me?"

Her lips curved into a smile. "I truly want to be with you."

"Ah." He reached up and touched her face. He couldn't believe she really wanted him. That she was his. His hand shook as he grazed a thumb across her cheekbone.

The kiss was different this time. Slower. Savoured. He could feel himself falling, falling into her light, and he let it happen. She reached up and slung her arms around him, hands tangling in his hair and caressing the back of his neck. Everywhere her fingertips touched sent shivers through his skin. Little slivers of light, he imagined.

_This_ , he thought. _This is... something._

Something good. Something to explore. Something with potential.

She broke the kiss first, pulling him down to rest her forehead against his and sighing lightly. That was when he realized that her hands were shaking, too, and her body. He dropped his hands to her waist and pulled her closer. He could sense her happiness, though, a swirling, bubbling thing buzzing all around her. He mentally added it to his list of good things he'd done.

"We'll fight," he said, after awhile.

"I know," she said softly. She took his hand and kissed the back of it.

Hand in hand, they walked into the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Kylo is very much like a castaway in his mental state in this final chapter. I see him as someone who's been through a storm and washes ashore in a strange place. Not a bad place, but a place where he'll have to make a new life. He still has a long journey ahead of him. 
> 
> I liked the idea of him beginning to make amends for his crimes in his own way, starting with Vader's helmet. And as for his own mask, it's been my headcanon that he's really careless with the thing, which I've written into this story (he tosses it aside a lot and obviously the other one was blown up) so it was fitting that he give it to someone who would value it.
> 
> And as for he and Rey... with all the chaos over and done with, it's suddenly just the two of them, in a way. So they get to figure out who and what they are and where they're going. I like leaving endings a little untidy this way, with possibility and adventure before them.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and all your wonderful comments. I've really enjoyed writing this thing and I'm glad you've enjoyed reading it. :)


End file.
